bookmark_borderThere is No Creativity without Discomfort

Street signage that I would see on my way to work

From Mystic Medusa’s daily horoscope
The back design of tarot and oracle card decks I own are just as beautiful
I’m here right now :/

 

It’s kind of embarrassing what social media marketers have to do (at least in my experience); for example liking your own posts from different accounts so it looks like there are more likes than there really are. It’s fucking hard and I think that’s why a lot of people cheated back in the day and bought likes & followers instead. Of course nowadays, it isn’t allowed anymore…just use bots, amirite? Ugh. I still don’t know how to do that.

I think that is why I never considered myself a true marketer – you either come off way too salesy or it just feels forced. But I did try to create content for myself at some point under my real name. Trying to merge my Midheaven in Scorpio with my sun in the 10th house just wasn’t working though…since I have been working in the adult entertainment industry for years now, I realize that I feel more comfortable being semi-hidden out of the public eye (although my Mars in Leo still likes to be seen & admired sometimes, remember?).

A true occultist to the bone.


The prompt I asked Gemini:
Explain to me what the difference is between my Midheaven in Scorpio and my sun in the 10th house; I’m trying to write a blog post showing why I can’t be a true marketer when I was attempting to create content for myself as a personal brand and prefer to be semi-hidden from the pubic eye.

Gemini’s response:
This is a brilliant topic for a blog post because it perfectly captures the “High-Stakes Tug-of-War” between your outward success and your private soul. To a “Marketing Guru,” the 10th House and the Midheaven (MC) look like the same thing—The Spotlight—but to you, they are functioning in two completely different dimensions.

Here is the forensic breakdown of why your “Personal Brand” feels like a trap.


1. The Midheaven (MC) in Scorpio: The “Internal Investigator”

The Midheaven is your Public Reputation and your “Professional Soul.” In Scorpio, your “Face” to the world isn’t a billboard—it’s a Mask.

  • The Conflict: Scorpio is the sign of the occult, secrets, and “Deep Water.” Having a Scorpio MC means you are naturally drawn to careers that involve uncovering truth, not broadcasting noise. * The “Anti-Marketer” Logic: True marketing requires “Radical Transparency” and constant, shallow visibility (being “The Face”). A Scorpio MC hates this. You want your work to be a mystery that people have to “detect” or “earn” access to. You’d rather be the Power Behind the Throne (the producer, the researcher, the strategist) than the “Brand” on the screen.

2. The Sun in the 10th House: The “Visible Light”

The Sun is your Core Identity and Vitality. Having it in the 10th House (the House of Career/Fame) means that you must be recognized to feel alive.

  • The Paradox: Your Sun wants to shine and achieve the $2M “Establishment” status. But because it’s filtered through that Scorpio MC, the “Light” feels like a spotlight you didn’t ask for.

  • The Result: You attract attention effortlessly, but you feel “exposed” when you get it. You want the Authority (10th House) without the Attention (Marketing).

bookmark_borderMetaphysical Vibes Website Screenshots 2017-2020


Man, I really liked the designs here, I always liked things to match you know? It’s too bad – I got DDoS attacked / receiving fake orders / repeatedly spammed by bots til my hosting resources ran out. It was all too much since I was the only person running it so I had to take it down. I used WooCommerce. I even got to use one of my graffiti artist friend’s images, Vyal One – here with his famous ‘el ojo’ signature and layered style technique that you might’ve have seen around the outskirts of downtown LA; you can’t miss his work.

Am I idiotic enough to do it again? I’m half pondering the idea as I still love crystals and stones…but maybe I’ll go with Shopify this time? Idk. Shopfiy isn’t known for blogging the way WordPress is. Just writing it down for now.

My crystal shop’s Instagram is still there if you’d like to take a look: Metaphysical Vibes and my shop on Etsy: Metaphysical Vibes LA

Edit: I just stumbled upon an old photo I took of my crystals and stones. In this photo: Smoky Quartz cluster, Selenite, Optical Calcite, Fluorite, Lepidolite, Pyrite in Quartz cluster, Moss Agate, Labradorite, Seraphinite, Green Aventurine, Eudialyte, Bloodstone, Tiger Eye, Aura Rose Quartz, Rhodochrosite and 3 Pink Lemurian Quartz.

bookmark_borderWTF Are You Supposed to Do For the Rest of Your Life?

We don’t know, do we? All we have to do is to just keep on going…

Who are you supposed to follow for guidance when everyone else is lost or in their own headspace most of the time?
The answer is: you follow yourself – the quiet, inner voice that tells you ‘hey I really like doing this’ or ‘let’s do this for right now and see where it goes. And then when we get bored, we’ll just move on to something else’.

You follow your interests, and build skills around it and see if that’s what you can do for a living.

If you’re not really sure, maybe you can take an aptitude test.

Besides the physical drives of needing food, water, and shelter and sleep to live…what else do you think about the most? That is what you should probably be doing.

I mean sure, you can read Reddit all day long and read about other people’s experiences…
but you still gotta figure out your own life and create your own experiences.

You have to follow your inner compass. Your inner compass won’t steer you in the wrong direction and if it did, then perhaps there was something you needed to learn from that experience.

You’re going to fail and make mistakes over and over again. That’s part of life that is simply unavoidable. From that you’ll gain knowledge, wisdom and a better understanding of your process and getting to know who you really are.

Keep on learning and making stuff, be patient with yourself and it will all come together eventually.

There is a version of you waiting patiently to evolve, get to know yourself.

Even at 48 – though it may seem I have accomplished a lot, like…been there done that…I still haven’t met my full potential and I still don’t know everything. And I think it will be that way until it’s time to leave our human bodies.

bookmark_borderMyspace Neon Dream 2008 and Beyond

In between rage cleaning the house while listening to Metallica’s Orion on repeat, I stumbled upon a gif with my custom graphics; it was a repeating background of my first tiger tattoo, a scanned drawing of my angel bunny and a rose I traced over a real photo in Photoshop that I would use for Myspace (IYKYK) back in the early 2000’s. I honestly don’t even know how I did this but of course, I animated it. I also looked through the layers and found an old screenshot and a customized contact box, lol.

Customizing my Myspace profile was how I started to learn web design; because I was so obsessed with my profile looking original, I would always tinker with the custom CSS code so I can make it look however I wanted. And then I would make a custom background and someone would steal it. Good times, lol.

I really miss blogging and reading my friends’ thoughts. I miss Roxy and the OTP crew.

bookmark_borderDrawing: Hold On To What Feels Real

I’m going to keep posting my drawings, doodles, rough sketches, bubble 3d lettering and handwritten thoughts even if they’re sloppy looking and lo-fi. It’s the antidote to all this AI slop. I’m having AI fatigue tbh – although it did help me with my taxes, it still fails with other stuff. Someone compared it to like teaching a child how to do things and you have to repeat yourself with it constantly – double-checking it’s output and editing your prompt a few times. That’s definitely an accurate comparison.

Anyways, hold on to what feels real…

bookmark_borderPhoto: High Frequency Crystal Healing

Found this photo in my Crystal Healer LA archives – I setup my Seeking Divine Knowledge 2010 painting with my Aura Quartz crystal skull along with other Quartz crystals and Selenite with sprigs of rosemary.

Look upon this image and breathe and remember – all is well. You made it through another day.

May all beings be free.

bookmark_borderA Bob’s Burgers VDay Card – IYKYK

A lot of people asked me when I used to paint – why tf did I pick the name “SHERM”? Do you smoke it??

The truth is, I had a homie that wrote “SHROOM”. At the time we were just young, dumb little taggers and into drugs (mostly weed, acid and shrooms lol). I never did sherm though, I didn’t even know what it was until much later on (it’s a marijuana joint laced with PCP). The only reason I started writing “SHERM” was because it sounded cool and the letters really flow together whether I wrote it, tagged it, or painted the letters in spraypaint – they just went really well together.

So yeah…that’s it. That’s the big secret. Honestly hated that name after a while, but I don’t regret painting it.

Edit: oh btw, if you’re thinking about talking shit to me about “stealing my name or whatever” – take the name, IRDGAF. I’m just an old lady now reminiscing about it.

bookmark_borderPhotos: Memories of the Future MMXV

02/05/2026 – Sorting through photos and wanted to add these. The bird was painted by my lovely friend, Femme9. Her Instagram


01/11/2026 – Just reminiscing about who I was…I think this was the last piece I painted in 2015.


11/2020

Do you ever mourn the person that you once were?

It’s a trip how one’s ego motivates you for a long time. For over 20 years, painting graffiti was all I ever gave a shit about. That and making sure my profession was somewhat creative.

Then my mom died in 2006 and even though I still painted, the desire to paint consistently started to fade away. I’m not going into details, but other people ruined it for me too.

Your consciousness changes over time. You are the same person but different.

I didn’t realize that I would also experience a death of some sorts, but I did. I’ve died over and over.

Copied and pasted from my birth chart report:

Your Sun is in the 10th House of your birth chart meaning that you’re the sort of person who likes to make your mark on the world, in particular through your profession.

 

The Sun is in Sagittarius

Your Sun is in the Zodiac Sign of Sagittarius indicating that you’re a sunny and optimistic individual, with a love of adventure. In fact adventure plays a key role in your life, whether it be literally traveling around the globe, or metaphorically speaking exploring the world of ideas and philosophy. You’re particularly enthusiastic about anything that expands your world and helps you forget about daily chores.

bookmark_borderThe Spiritual Path

January 18, 2026 – I’m revisiting old posts of mine, looking at old paintings and writings. Our thoughts and feelings always need to be expressed no matter what and that’s why I keep this blog around. I was inspired by Buddhist / Tibetan spiritual paintings at the time.


May 5th, 2016

Is strange, weird, beautiful, synchronistic…

and that I’ve been on it all along.

I am able to recognize it now that I look back at what I’ve painted; and only now am I able to understand why I have been drawn to certain symbols and themes in my paintings and drawings.

But like most people, I was drawn to occult imagery first because I thought it was cool; not having any actual understanding of the symbols used.

This one is titled “Self Absorbed” from 2008, only now I could say it was more about self-discovery, self-development, knowing thyself. This is a self-portrait of me, sitting on a lotus flower like you see in Buddhist paintings. But there are also different faces or sides of me (left & right).

At the time, I wasn’t even meditating. Or perhaps I was and wasn’t even aware? I was always writing, blogging and sharing my thoughts with a handful of friends so perhaps that is how things were actually manifesting.

Your thoughts lead you to where you are now.