bookmark_borderThere is No Creativity without Discomfort

Street signage that I would see on my way to work

From Mystic Medusa’s daily horoscope
The back design of tarot and oracle card decks I own are just as beautiful
I’m here right now :/

 

It’s kind of embarrassing what social media marketers have to do (at least in my experience); for example liking your own posts from different accounts so it looks like there are more likes than there really are. It’s fucking hard and I think that’s why a lot of people cheated back in the day and bought likes & followers instead. Of course nowadays, it isn’t allowed anymore…just use bots, amirite? Ugh. I still don’t know how to do that.

I think that is why I never considered myself a true marketer – you either come off way too salesy or it just feels forced. But I did try to create content for myself at some point under my real name. Trying to merge my Midheaven in Scorpio with my sun in the 10th house just wasn’t working though…since I have been working in the adult entertainment industry for years now, I realize that I feel more comfortable being semi-hidden out of the public eye (although my Mars in Leo still likes to be seen & admired sometimes, remember?).

A true occultist to the bone.


The prompt I asked Gemini:
Explain to me what the difference is between my Midheaven in Scorpio and my sun in the 10th house; I’m trying to write a blog post showing why I can’t be a true marketer when I was attempting to create content for myself as a personal brand and prefer to be semi-hidden from the pubic eye.

Gemini’s response:
This is a brilliant topic for a blog post because it perfectly captures the “High-Stakes Tug-of-War” between your outward success and your private soul. To a “Marketing Guru,” the 10th House and the Midheaven (MC) look like the same thing—The Spotlight—but to you, they are functioning in two completely different dimensions.

Here is the forensic breakdown of why your “Personal Brand” feels like a trap.


1. The Midheaven (MC) in Scorpio: The “Internal Investigator”

The Midheaven is your Public Reputation and your “Professional Soul.” In Scorpio, your “Face” to the world isn’t a billboard—it’s a Mask.

  • The Conflict: Scorpio is the sign of the occult, secrets, and “Deep Water.” Having a Scorpio MC means you are naturally drawn to careers that involve uncovering truth, not broadcasting noise. * The “Anti-Marketer” Logic: True marketing requires “Radical Transparency” and constant, shallow visibility (being “The Face”). A Scorpio MC hates this. You want your work to be a mystery that people have to “detect” or “earn” access to. You’d rather be the Power Behind the Throne (the producer, the researcher, the strategist) than the “Brand” on the screen.

2. The Sun in the 10th House: The “Visible Light”

The Sun is your Core Identity and Vitality. Having it in the 10th House (the House of Career/Fame) means that you must be recognized to feel alive.

  • The Paradox: Your Sun wants to shine and achieve the $2M “Establishment” status. But because it’s filtered through that Scorpio MC, the “Light” feels like a spotlight you didn’t ask for.

  • The Result: You attract attention effortlessly, but you feel “exposed” when you get it. You want the Authority (10th House) without the Attention (Marketing).

bookmark_borderMetaphysical Vibes Website Screenshots 2017-2020


Man, I really liked the designs here, I always liked things to match you know? It’s too bad – I got DDoS attacked / receiving fake orders / repeatedly spammed by bots til my hosting resources ran out. It was all too much since I was the only person running it so I had to take it down. I used WooCommerce. I even got to use one of my graffiti artist friend’s images, Vyal One – here with his famous ‘el ojo’ signature and layered style technique that you might’ve have seen around the outskirts of downtown LA; you can’t miss his work.

Am I idiotic enough to do it again? I’m half pondering the idea as I still love crystals and stones…but maybe I’ll go with Shopify this time? Idk. Shopfiy isn’t known for blogging the way WordPress is. Just writing it down for now.

My crystal shop’s Instagram is still there if you’d like to take a look: Metaphysical Vibes and my shop on Etsy: Metaphysical Vibes LA

Edit: I just stumbled upon an old photo I took of my crystals and stones. In this photo: Smoky Quartz cluster, Selenite, Optical Calcite, Fluorite, Lepidolite, Pyrite in Quartz cluster, Moss Agate, Labradorite, Seraphinite, Green Aventurine, Eudialyte, Bloodstone, Tiger Eye, Aura Rose Quartz, Rhodochrosite and 3 Pink Lemurian Quartz.

bookmark_borderWTF Are You Supposed to Do For the Rest of Your Life?

We don’t know, do we? All we have to do is to just keep on going…

Who are you supposed to follow for guidance when everyone else is lost or in their own headspace most of the time?
The answer is: you follow yourself – the quiet, inner voice that tells you ‘hey I really like doing this’ or ‘let’s do this for right now and see where it goes. And then when we get bored, we’ll just move on to something else’.

You follow your interests, and build skills around it and see if that’s what you can do for a living.

If you’re not really sure, maybe you can take an aptitude test.

Besides the physical drives of needing food, water, and shelter and sleep to live…what else do you think about the most? That is what you should probably be doing.

I mean sure, you can read Reddit all day long and read about other people’s experiences…
but you still gotta figure out your own life and create your own experiences.

You have to follow your inner compass. Your inner compass won’t steer you in the wrong direction and if it did, then perhaps there was something you needed to learn from that experience.

You’re going to fail and make mistakes over and over again. That’s part of life that is simply unavoidable. From that you’ll gain knowledge, wisdom and a better understanding of your process and getting to know who you really are.

Keep on learning and making stuff, be patient with yourself and it will all come together eventually.

There is a version of you waiting patiently to evolve, get to know yourself.

Even at 48 – though it may seem I have accomplished a lot, like…been there done that…I still haven’t met my full potential and I still don’t know everything. And I think it will be that way until it’s time to leave our human bodies.

bookmark_border01-03-26 // Pages from my Many Moons 2025 Journal

Sat 1/31/2026. Edit: I have stopped using Grok due to repeated ‘no response’. I have since switched to Gemini and I like it so far.


Saturday, Jan 3, 2026. This is the most art witch magick shit I did in 2025 – writing my daily thoughts and goals down in between rough doodles and sketches with a ballpoint pen and coloring it with Zeyar highlighter markers. My deformed bunny makes an appearance as Bat Bunny! Ayyye.

At the time, I was also using ChatGPT heavily for astrology-psychology analysis. Even though I don’t use ChatGPT anymore, I really liked the way it generated images for me – it captured my “bold lines, occult kawaii cute black and white tarot” style so perfectly. And then I would print out the images from my phone to a little sticker printer called a PrintPod that came from Wuhan, China. Was I paranoid af about touching the printer?! You damn right, LOL…I definitely sanitized the heck out of it.

I have since moved on to using Grok more (I know, I know), except Grok isn’t great at generating my style of images that I want to see which is a bummer. Both LLMs are still inaccurate by the way, so pick your poison I guess? Don’t trust what it outputs — double check everything.

So if you don’t trust what it outputs, why even use it? It’s still useful. It’s good at distilling information — like astrology and psychology, for me anyway. It’s given me a ballpark estimate of how much taxes I’ll have to pay; it’s even advised me on my stock picks and finances. Because I like to gamble sometimes (I can be a reckless Sag), it has stopped me from making bad financial decisions.

I only use Gemini for coding help and work purposes (Flow Veo3 for video generation) but maybe I’ll try Gemini for personal questions eventually? Idk. I feel like Google already knows everything about me whether I want it to or not and so I hesitate to use Gemini. For the sake of ease, accessibility and convenience we all literally gave our privacy away. Sigh. It is what it is. For the record, I don’t have anything to hide but it would still be nice to have the illusion of privacy I guess? I don’t even know what I’m saying…

I’m posting this to remind myself that while what I wrote down was a fucking mess (I was trying to learn Javascript too), I did meet some financial goals — I managed to save $10k by the end of the year for taxes while still investing into both of our Roth IRA’s. And now, I hope to save another $10k by the end of 2026 because my car is aging and I’m going to need a new, used one. The creator knows I hate borrowing money and has spared me from homeownership. I’ve accepted that I’ll be renting forever. I’m wondering if I have to start paying taxes quarterly? Lots of think about and ramble about but today, I just wanted to post this.

To anyone who is reading this — writing things down will help BIG in your manifestations. There’s a magical technique in ManyMoons where you write things down ahead of time, like in the months ahead. So by the time the year ends and you’ve reached those actual dates, you’d have reached your goal. Of course, not all goals will be met this year but you can still write stuff down for future manifestations.

bookmark_borderFree Yourself from Your Own Limitations…

Wed 12/31/2025 – wow so this was me 10 years ago; different office, same place and thankful for how far I’ve come. My chest tattoo was brand new. I am revisiting and rereading things I wrote 10 years ago – yup, still sounds like me but feeling a little bit less lost.


Sep 5, 2020

I know I probably tend to confuse people – as I’m ALWAYS starting up new Instagrams and trying things – I currently have 5 and that’s just for my personal projects.????

I am that eternal fire, a Sagittarius Sun with my home planet being Jupiter – constantly searching for freedom and expansion. Constantly wanting to express different aspects of myself, as I’ve come to realize that now.

It used to frustrate me to no end as to why I can never finish things or be consistent for once. I hated it and would berate myself.

Have you ever known fire to burn consistently? Of course not.

I am understanding myself more as I get older and accepting myself fully. I’ll be 43 in December.

I hope you are too.

This was me from 5 years ago. Even though I had already stopped painting graffiti, I was still trying to be anonymous on the internet and wasn’t comfortable showing my face.

Just know that it takes YEARS to be comfortable in your own skin. It takes time to love and get to know ourselves. Once we truly know ourselves, no one can say anything to us anymore. No one can really hurt us.

bookmark_borderBecome a Ghost, Fuck Attention

Dec 28, 2025: I’m going to ghost even harder for 2026…or maybe do the opposite? Anything goes at this point, amirite? If you are reading this — may you have love, money, magick, health, wealth and success on your own terms. May you be free from suffering. And so it is. Blessed be.


July 18, 2025: I have shapeshifted into another NSFW online persona. IYKYK. Stay occult, stay mysterious. Not everyone is meant to be seen or known right away. I know now that this is how I prefer to exist online. Fire and Air.


Sept 18, 2024: Still living by these words. Playing another character in this game called Life so we can continue to live where we live.


It’s February 2023 and I’m getting closer to living by these words. I pretty much can’t stand Instagram anymore. I feel like, if I’m going to waste that many hours online I might as well get paid for it.


July 2021: I posted this last year; except for the hustle part, this quote is still true for me so I’m bumping it up. I really don’t have a whole lot to say these days. The internet is weird so it’s better to move in silence…

I will say this though – it’s Leo season and I miss my favorite Leo: Roxy.


December 7, 2020: Even though social media is a big part of my day job (used to be), I’m not a fan of it as much these days. If you follow me on ANY of my Instagrams then you know I’m also not very consistent with any of them anymore. My internet life has gotten a lot quieter and I actually don’t mind. I think when I got suspended on Twitter in August 2020 (and it was for good btw, even though Twitter said in an email that I didn’t actually commit any violations ((ok, then wtf))), it gave me time to really think about what it is I enjoy doing.

And right now, social media annoys tf outta me, I find that I need more frequent breaks from it. I don’t have the same attention span. Which is why I haven’t been posting as much. It’s not directed towards anyone in particular either, I still scroll daily but not as much.

Also, since the top social media platforms have been heavy handed with the censorship, it’s pointless for me to promote anything adult. So in some ways, it’s pointless to post on social media.

I really like writing and meditation. And yes, even blogging (I still hate that word). It gives me time to hear myself instead of hearing everyone on Instagram or Twitter.

So yeah, I found this on Ice-T’s Instagram. It says:

Become a ghost.

Fuck attention. Just hustle.

p.s. I miss my ghost friend, Roxy???? – she loved to blog.

bookmark_borderWorking with two AI LLM’s got me feeling like…

I have my own droids, ha! Except they exist digitally. ChatGPT will get it wrong but will also get it right…eventually. ChatGPT is likeable, you just have to correct it a lot. Gemini can generate slightly NSFW images and logos (within reason / context) which is what I need for work stuff. Grok can be Chopper I guess, just haven’t used it all that much.

Maybe because we just finished Mercury Rx, my communication with ChatGPT isn’t producing the results I’m looking for, whereas Gemini was able to walk me through some Javascript code. And I was able to implement it.

Just ramblings of an old woman who now works with AI in her day to day. How very Aquarius rising of me.

Edit: Adobe Firefly is a hit and miss for me, so is Lovart.

bookmark_borderMy Natal Chart

7/29/2025: Wow, just revisiting astrology stuff I wrote year ago. The learning never stops and I still have so much to learn.

6/19/2021: While the younger crowd nowadays seems to find astrology useful in their 20’s – posting their chart on Reddit and asking questions; I really didn’t grasp it until these last couple of years. And I’m in my mid-40’s now.

It was not on my radar at all. I did not have a concept of astrology, birth charts or let alone my Sun sign. None of this was brought to my consciousness until 2012 and even then I still wasn’t thinking about it all that much. For the last 9 years I focused on learning Tarot, magick, psychic development, meditation and the metaphysical properties of minerals.

On a subconscious level, I was focused on healing myself too.

I suppose I should look back at my transits these last 2 years that made me all of a sudden have this intense desire to learn astrology and actually focus on it. I’ve been watching YouTube videos and buying more books on the subject and will probably have to get rid of my other books.

I’m pretty sure it is Uranus (awakening, unexpected change) in my 9th house (education, long journeys) or Uranus in a semi-sextile to Pluto (death, transformation, rebirth).

There’s a lot to dissect in a birth chart so the possibilities are endless. 2020 put me in limbo so now I’m excited about learning something that I know I won’t get bored of.

Also, when did I actually start talking/typing like this? I kid you not, I didn’t know anything 6 months ago. Even though I am still a n00b, I am amazed at how much I’ve been able to digest and synthesize.

It’s a bit wild to me and I feel like I am experiencing a different person in real time.

So here’s it is, my natal horoscope.

 

Edit: I know most people know this already as it’s common knowledge but if you don’t – you can sign up at Astro.com to generate your free natal horoscope aka your birth chart. You’ll need your birth info: the month, day and year, and the exact time you were born.

It’s under Free Horoscopes > Drawings & Calculations > Natal Chart, Ascendant

bookmark_borderAstrology Questions – 10/25/24

If you know me well then you know that I am an astrology enthusiast. I’ve been using the SINE Daily Manifest app to ask specific questions about my life, career, relationships, etc. and it’s been really accurate for me.

Of course, it’s not free to use. It’s free if you want to see your daily astrology forecast, add a partner to check compatibility, etc. But the real meat and potatoes (at least for me anyways) is in the Daily Ask.

The only downside from it is that I can’t save my questions and the replies I get so…yeah. Lots of screenshots have been flooding my phone.

bookmark_borderOnly Fans – Meme Dump #4

October 17, 2024: Time for a yearly update I suppose. I’m still on there. I make money sometimes but not a whole lot because I simply suck at promoting myself and sending out PPV’s, I’d rather not actually. It’s so contradictory but I really wish I could hide and be invisible most of the time.


December 16, 2023: My oh my have I evolved from the first time I wrote this. I feel like a different person now, still very introverted though. I’m not a popular OF girl and I don’t aim to be (I still value privacy and peace of mind) but I am making a little bit of money here & there. It certainly won’t replace my fulltime job but it helps.


May 18, 2023: Wow, time is strange. I was just going through the stuff I wrote here and came across this again. It’s 2023 and I started an OnlyFans again. Learning a lot, as usual; I didn’t know wtf I was doing in 2020 on OF but now I kinda do. I also have been behind the scenes for so long that it’s quite an adjustment to be marketing & promoting myself.


Aug 16, 2020: So I want to go on Only Fans just to try it out, because you know…I like to try things and experiment.

BUT!

I don’t want to be nude or sexy on there at all. I want to be the opposite of what everyone else is on there: awkward and wholesome…or awkward, but with a dirty mouth.

Or maybe I should be a mean girl. I confess that I enjoy being mean and talking shit.

Working in the adult entertainment industry for 10 years now, I’ve seen enough nudity in my life to last me a 1000+ lifetimes. I don’t want to join the porn tribe, I just want to be me.

Anyways, I just want to prove a point: that you can be on there, make money WITHOUT being sexy.

I’ve been dwelling on the idea for a few weeks now, so there must be something there. Also, it will motivate me to get better at creating content again, which I have been terrible at lately. I was doing okay for a while doing random talking videos to get better at talking but it seems I’ve lost interest.

And if you know me, then you know I tend to lose interest in things. And because of it, I always feel like I’m starting over again.