bookmark_borderThere is No Creativity without Discomfort

Street signage that I would see on my way to work

From Mystic Medusa’s daily horoscope
The back design of tarot and oracle card decks I own are just as beautiful
I’m here right now :/

 

It’s kind of embarrassing what social media marketers have to do (at least in my experience); for example liking your own posts from different accounts so it looks like there are more likes than there really are. It’s fucking hard and I think that’s why a lot of people cheated back in the day and bought likes & followers instead. Of course nowadays, it isn’t allowed anymore…just use bots, amirite? Ugh. I still don’t know how to do that.

I think that is why I never considered myself a true marketer – you either come off way too salesy or it just feels forced. But I did try to create content for myself at some point under my real name. Trying to merge my Midheaven in Scorpio with my sun in the 10th house just wasn’t working though…since I have been working in the adult entertainment industry for years now, I realize that I feel more comfortable being semi-hidden out of the public eye (although my Mars in Leo still likes to be seen & admired sometimes, remember?).

A true occultist to the bone.


The prompt I asked Gemini:
Explain to me what the difference is between my Midheaven in Scorpio and my sun in the 10th house; I’m trying to write a blog post showing why I can’t be a true marketer when I was attempting to create content for myself as a personal brand and prefer to be semi-hidden from the pubic eye.

Gemini’s response:
This is a brilliant topic for a blog post because it perfectly captures the “High-Stakes Tug-of-War” between your outward success and your private soul. To a “Marketing Guru,” the 10th House and the Midheaven (MC) look like the same thing—The Spotlight—but to you, they are functioning in two completely different dimensions.

Here is the forensic breakdown of why your “Personal Brand” feels like a trap.


1. The Midheaven (MC) in Scorpio: The “Internal Investigator”

The Midheaven is your Public Reputation and your “Professional Soul.” In Scorpio, your “Face” to the world isn’t a billboard—it’s a Mask.

  • The Conflict: Scorpio is the sign of the occult, secrets, and “Deep Water.” Having a Scorpio MC means you are naturally drawn to careers that involve uncovering truth, not broadcasting noise. * The “Anti-Marketer” Logic: True marketing requires “Radical Transparency” and constant, shallow visibility (being “The Face”). A Scorpio MC hates this. You want your work to be a mystery that people have to “detect” or “earn” access to. You’d rather be the Power Behind the Throne (the producer, the researcher, the strategist) than the “Brand” on the screen.

2. The Sun in the 10th House: The “Visible Light”

The Sun is your Core Identity and Vitality. Having it in the 10th House (the House of Career/Fame) means that you must be recognized to feel alive.

  • The Paradox: Your Sun wants to shine and achieve the $2M “Establishment” status. But because it’s filtered through that Scorpio MC, the “Light” feels like a spotlight you didn’t ask for.

  • The Result: You attract attention effortlessly, but you feel “exposed” when you get it. You want the Authority (10th House) without the Attention (Marketing).

bookmark_borderMetaphysical Vibes Website Screenshots 2017-2020


Man, I really liked the designs here, I always liked things to match you know? It’s too bad – I got DDoS attacked / receiving fake orders / repeatedly spammed by bots til my hosting resources ran out. It was all too much since I was the only person running it so I had to take it down. I used WooCommerce. I even got to use one of my graffiti artist friend’s images, Vyal One – here with his famous ‘el ojo’ signature and layered style technique that you might’ve have seen around the outskirts of downtown LA; you can’t miss his work.

Am I idiotic enough to do it again? I’m half pondering the idea as I still love crystals and stones…but maybe I’ll go with Shopify this time? Idk. Shopfiy isn’t known for blogging the way WordPress is. Just writing it down for now.

My crystal shop’s Instagram is still there if you’d like to take a look: Metaphysical Vibes and my shop on Etsy: Metaphysical Vibes LA

Edit: I just stumbled upon an old photo I took of my crystals and stones. In this photo: Smoky Quartz cluster, Selenite, Optical Calcite, Fluorite, Lepidolite, Pyrite in Quartz cluster, Moss Agate, Labradorite, Seraphinite, Green Aventurine, Eudialyte, Bloodstone, Tiger Eye, Aura Rose Quartz, Rhodochrosite and 3 Pink Lemurian Quartz.

bookmark_borderLord of the Memes

Part of my quote unquote marketing strategy for my online crystal shop was creating my own memes. Even though crystals are the most unique thing you could ever sell (as each piece is literally one of a kind) – in order to connect with your audience and stand out from everyone else, you have to show yourself. This was the hardest part for me and if I had to start over again (which I’m kind of thinking about it) – I would do the same exact thing.

At the time though, it wasn’t even really a marketing strategy as everything I did was just an experiment of what worked for me and what didn’t.

bookmark_borderMeme Dump #999 – Age Defying Looks

Sunday 3/29/26: I take it back. Even though my Libra moon likes beautiful things and my Mars in Leo likes to be admired and worshipped, I’m not really a narcissist…although at 48 I’d like to think I still look young. It’s the fish collagen peptides yall.

I want to not care about my looks but let’s be fucking honest, it’s hard not to when you exist in the physical plane.

Just wanted to get that off my chest.

Edit: The quote and image is from the movie Zoolander.


June 15, 2024

It’s true (at least for me) – that I’m slowly turning into a narcissistic bitch. It’s been happening ever since I started to cam. And yes, I do get a lot of younger men saying they can’t believe I’m 40 something (46 actually).

Sidenote: I’ve been in the adult entertainment industry since 2010 working behind the scenes as a graphic production artist up until 2023. Holy fucking shit. I’ve definitely earned the title of ‘Professional Pervert’, ha.

bookmark_border01-03-26 // Pages from my Many Moons 2025 Journal

Sat 1/31/2026. Edit: I have stopped using Grok due to repeated ‘no response’. I have since switched to Gemini and I like it so far.


Saturday, Jan 3, 2026. This is the most art witch magick shit I did in 2025 – writing my daily thoughts and goals down in between rough doodles and sketches with a ballpoint pen and coloring it with Zeyar highlighter markers. My deformed bunny makes an appearance as Bat Bunny! Ayyye.

At the time, I was also using ChatGPT heavily for astrology-psychology analysis. Even though I don’t use ChatGPT anymore, I really liked the way it generated images for me – it captured my “bold lines, occult kawaii cute black and white tarot” style so perfectly. And then I would print out the images from my phone to a little sticker printer called a PrintPod that came from Wuhan, China. Was I paranoid af about touching the printer?! You damn right, LOL…I definitely sanitized the heck out of it.

I have since moved on to using Grok more (I know, I know), except Grok isn’t great at generating my style of images that I want to see which is a bummer. Both LLMs are still inaccurate by the way, so pick your poison I guess? Don’t trust what it outputs — double check everything.

So if you don’t trust what it outputs, why even use it? It’s still useful. It’s good at distilling information — like astrology and psychology, for me anyway. It’s given me a ballpark estimate of how much taxes I’ll have to pay; it’s even advised me on my stock picks and finances. Because I like to gamble sometimes (I can be a reckless Sag), it has stopped me from making bad financial decisions.

I only use Gemini for coding help and work purposes (Flow Veo3 for video generation) but maybe I’ll try Gemini for personal questions eventually? Idk. I feel like Google already knows everything about me whether I want it to or not and so I hesitate to use Gemini. For the sake of ease, accessibility and convenience we all literally gave our privacy away. Sigh. It is what it is. For the record, I don’t have anything to hide but it would still be nice to have the illusion of privacy I guess? I don’t even know what I’m saying…

I’m posting this to remind myself that while what I wrote down was a fucking mess (I was trying to learn Javascript too), I did meet some financial goals — I managed to save $10k by the end of the year for taxes while still investing into both of our Roth IRA’s. And now, I hope to save another $10k by the end of 2026 because my car is aging and I’m going to need a new, used one. The creator knows I hate borrowing money and has spared me from homeownership. I’ve accepted that I’ll be renting forever. I’m wondering if I have to start paying taxes quarterly? Lots of think about and ramble about but today, I just wanted to post this.

To anyone who is reading this — writing things down will help BIG in your manifestations. There’s a magical technique in ManyMoons where you write things down ahead of time, like in the months ahead. So by the time the year ends and you’ve reached those actual dates, you’d have reached your goal. Of course, not all goals will be met this year but you can still write stuff down for future manifestations.

bookmark_borderStay Relevant

Friday 08-29-25 – I have typography heavy on my mind right now for no reason so I am bumping this up.


063016: I have an affinity for handpainted lettering and typography – gothic, script, ornamental, etc. Basically the hard-to-read ones that aren’t normally used in advertising – because although they’re lovely to look at, they’re kind of hard to read.

I drew this up a few years ago. I find that when I’m annoyed with something or someone, it tends to fuel some of my artwork on a subconscious level. I don’t even remember who it was in particular, it could’ve been a few random people who I just stumbled upon on internetland. I guess it bugs me when people hella show off or try too hard – they’re either screaming “hey look at me, I’m doing something” or “hey look at me, I post nothing but bullshit…but I want you to think it’s NOT bullshit”. So at the time I made this, that’s what staying relevant meant to me: people who just do useless things in order to remain in the minds of the general public, like celebrities who are famous – you don’t even know what they’re famous for.

Well fast forward to now. Being a jack-of-all-trades in content marketing and design, I’m starting to understand what staying relevant means from this angle:

+ Posting images and using words that you wouldn’t normally say to catch the attention of a potential client or buyer.

+ Being in the customer mindset, thinking like them so you can better predict what they are most likely to buy from you.

+ Paying attention to the latest in technology, social media, pop culture and anything related to it.

Don’t get it twisted, I’m not a fan of the last bullet point. I don’t like having to keep up with any of it, especially anything that’s cool and trendy. But since we’re in a global market now, meaning everyone is either buying or selling something whether it’s their art, music, creative services – we could all stand to stay relevant somehow by learning something new everyday and applying it to ourselves.

Keep your mind open to possibilities and opportunity, no matter what age you are.

bookmark_borderSocial Media Observations & Ramblings

Mostly based on my own behavior, I noticed that:

– People just aren’t paying attention as much. For me personally, my attention span dips in and out. The millions of people promoting or sharing something can be taxing and I have other things on my mind these days. Maybe it’s because I’m getting old? Idk. I was also one of those people promoting or sharing something for a hot minute…I got sick of myself.

– One of the things I learned about marketing your business is that if you want people to pay attention, then you have to post A LOT. This is how people will remember you, through repetition. It’s annoying as fuck tbh but it works. Posting a lot in my opinion though, eventually leads to burnout especially if it’s not producing some kind of return (a lead or a sale of your product). I definitely felt this with my crystal shop and that’s why I haven’t posted in some time now. Although I had a couple of loyal folks who always bought crystals from me (if you’re reading this – thank you, I love & appreciate you!), the majority of my crystal sales never came from posting on Instagram anyways.

– Posting a lot won’t necessarily bring the results you want. If anything, the majority of people just want to be entertained by what you post. They don’t always want to buy, which is why I think the shop section of IG is pointless. I’m definitely one of those people who also rejects a lot of ads (most of them are irrelevant anyway)…which is why it’s hard for me to do ads for my own business. Too critical for my own good.

– I haven’t been very successful with my own entrepreneurial endeavors; thanks to the neverending pandemic, I kinda gave up on it. I tried it, but wasn’t built for it. Did the universe spare me from struggling and putting myself in a situation I didn’t really want to be in? Probably. That or being programmed to be an employee for life has taken its toll.

– As usual, I’m bored with everything that I’m doing and I don’t know what’s next for me. A friend did a channeled card reading for me recently and also sensed my eternal state of boredom. Sigh. Anyways, here’s an excerpt from Mystic Medusa‘s Astral DNA Report aka her take on my natal chart that at least gives me some clues as to why I can’t just settle as a “personal brand”:

Neptune House X

Their public image can be mysterious: an alias, nom de plume or a brand conceals the true persona. Tenth House Neptune people are adrift in an ocean of treacherous career currents until they find or create their true vocation. Their c.v. is peppered with surreal episodes, a twilight zone of enigmatic gigs and of course, quite a few off-c.v. escapades. Whatever their official occupation, their title is really “magician” or “rainmaker.”

Enjoy this gif I made. Happy Scorpio season!

bookmark_borderYou’ve Been Banned or Suspended from Social Media. What To Do?

Or: you work in the adult entertainment industry and now you’ve been banned or suspended from social media. Most likely for good. This is my current situation, since last year August 2020 on Twitter.

What do you do next? How the heck do you even promote your content now?

First let me say that I am not a sex worker but I can relate to this as I am an internet marketer who promotes adult entertainment. Both things tend to be intertwined as there wouldn’t be adult entertainment without sex workers. Even if it is just “virtual” I have to at least know wtf I’m talking about in order to market it effectively. I’ve been in this industry for 10 years.

So before I lose my train of thought here are some suggestions that might help you promote your services in a whole different way:

+ Create your own property. Make sure you pick a web hosting company that allows adult XXX themed sites. Once your website is up and running, post good content and SEO the heck out of it. You will start to get organic traffic in no time. Even if you have to describe yourself in ridiculously obvious ways (ex: dark haired, brown skin, heavily tattooed big booty fat girl or whatever), do it anyway because that is exactly how people tend to search.

+ Buy your own traffic. You can build your own audience by doing so.

+ If you really need to get back on social media, maybe it’s best to get a new phone or a new computer. Or both. I know that I can’t get back on because of my devices. They pretty much know who I am. So if I were to get back on, I would have to get a new phone or a new computer. And post normal shit like a regular person and not do anything that might get me banned.

The sad thing is, even if you didn’t do anything wrong – there’s still a good chance you might still get banned. This is the world we live in now.

+ Pay others to promote you or do some kind of barter. I know spending money to promote doesn’t sound so great. Which is why the first two options are the best one, I think.

+ Find other online communities to hang out in. Nobody likes being promoted or advertised to, so it’s best to build relationships with your prospects.

+ Thinking large here than just trying to join another online community but maybe you can collaborate with like-minded individuals to create a whole new platform. I have been thinking for a while now that the adult entertainment industry – whether they’re small or large players – need their own social media platform, a place online where we could hang out and post all the adult content we wanted. Instead of trying to mingle with mainstream entertainment, those who want to actually be there would come and sign up.

I know most of these suggestions don’t sound good because you have to spend money before you can see a return on investment.

Why did I get suspended anyway? I don’t really know but supposedly I violated their terms. Also when you work for a company that deals with adult content and provides adult entertainment services, there’s always competition. So there’s a high chance that someone didn’t like that we were promoting so much and started reporting or flagging us so we would be out of the picture.

Unfortunately, that’s part of the business; when people see you as competition they’ll find a way to eliminate you.

If it can happen to someone like me who is an absolute nobody, then I’m sure sex workers will be next (if it isn’t already happening). I mean, just look at Instagram’s new TOS. And how right-wing conservatives targeted Pornhub.

Expect more of this to happen so don’t get attached to your social media accounts. But also know that adult traffic will not go away. There’s so much you can do with it. But you’ll have to be okay with spending money.

* I didn’t know what photo to add to this post, so here’s a test image of a candy text effect in Photoshop. I use it a lot for my adult graphics. This is the tutorial I followed.

bookmark_borderI Am Good at Overcoming Obstacles

I’ve not talked about my affiliate marketing journey on here, as I have yet to make money from it. But I feel like I need to now, just to document all the shit I’ve had to do just to get it to this point.

5 years ago, I bought an adult domain. It had all the right keywords so I bought it. It turned out that that domain had some risky history that came along with it – Google decided that the domain was pure spam so it penalized me, giving me a manual spam label which I had no idea how to fix so I had to work on that just to have it revoked.

It worked and I was so elated. First obstacle down.

At the same time I didn’t really know what I was doing with what I had set up, so I halted everything. I kind of regret it now that everything is saturated but again, I was clueless about the affiliate marketing game even though I had purchased the playbook that would help me do it step by step and secondly: even though I spent money to test it, I was still scared about spending big chunks of money.

I’m still clueless tbh, but not as clueless as I was 5 years ago.

5 years later, I started it up again and now I’m dealing with a site with malware (obstacle 2). I had taken care of it mostly by making sure the site was clean and secure, but still had one more thing to pass.

My traffic source said my site still had malware, so I had to do one more thing (obstacle 3). And thankfully, it worked within the timeframe I was given.

I know none of this isn’t very detailed (I’m sure those in IM – internet marketing – will get it) but the point is:

if we want to achieve our goals – whatever they may be, we’re gonna be faced with other challenges along the way BEFORE we actually reach our goal.

Expect it and keep pushing anyways.

And when we reach our goal, we STILL have to maintain it somehow.

The process and the effort of trying to make it all work together will be tiring, as there are different parts that have to connect for all of it to work. Pace yourself and take a break from it whenever you need to.

You don’t have to rush to make it happen but you have to keep going because you’ve already gone too far and spent money to set it all up.

So that’s where I’m currently at. I’m just typing it out for my sanity.

The title of the post is appropriate because it’s what I wrote down after I completed my third obstacle, for now. Also, I didn’t know what photo to attach so I copied and pasted some Wingdings into Photoshop.

I also purchased my birth chart report – it indicated somewhere in the report that I was courageous and liked to take a few risks in life. Could this be one of them?

bookmark_borderOnly Fans Update – 9/17/20

My Only Fans isn’t poppin and here’s why:

  • I’m not fucking popular.
  • I’m not showing any nudes.
  • I’m not promoting enough.

Become or do the opposite of the 3 I just mentioned above and I’m 100% sure your Only Fans will be POPPIN. (Don’t know why I picked “poppin” – it seemed the most appropriate word).

My reason for this is that I simply would rather be low key about it. If I start promoting heavy like everyone else then I will for sure attract creeps and rudeass subscribers who will demand shit from me and I really don’t want that.

Most people are lured by money but can’t see that there’s a price to pay for it. I would rather have my peace & privacy (whatever that actually means). I don’t think I can handle the fame, rude comments and lack of privacy. I can see that some of these girls are already suffering from it.

So I’m taking it slow and not forcing myself to do anything I don’t feel comfortable doing.

If you do go on Only Fans, or any of these platforms (there are more now that are springing up btw with better payouts) – be sure that you’re not doing it for the money. Otherwise you’ll be disappointed.

Do it because you like making content and that it’s a creative outlet for you.

Based on my observations so far, the ones who are making bank from Only Fans have a huge following on Twitter, Instagram or YouTube. And they’re young and attractive. And they’re showing nudes.

I’ve only found someone on Only Fans close to my age; she’s a few years older than me and is successful and that would be Sinnamon Love and Tera Patrick. The only difference is that they’re retired porn stars with huge followings and I’m just a nobody.

To be continued…

Here’s a trippy animated gif that I made – I drew the triangles in Photoshop with my Wacom tablet, animated them and added some light in the middle. I wish I could remember how I actually did it though.