bookmark_borderUntitled from 8/2/2023

This is one of those visually stunning, surreal, trippy, abstract, spiritual movies that you don’t really understand what it’s about until you watch it time and time again as you get older. I watched this movie way before I started learning tarot, before I started working with crystals and stones, before I became witchy, occult-y and metaphysical.

The movie is called The Holy Mountain by Alejandro Jodorowsky

The tarot will teach you how to create a soul.

Each stone has a soul, formed by the work of millions of years.

bookmark_borderDrawing: Magickal Synthwave Witch

I hate how the iPhone 11 Pro Max doesn’t capture true color, I had to modify this in Photoshop to show the pastel quality of these Zeyar highlighters.

Drawn last night, I stayed up til 1:30am drawing and listening to music.

A part of me wishes there was a place where I could just dance. No one bothering me or making small talk. Spirit dancing, moving your body to music, releasing toxins. I recently watched this video of Irene Cara (RIP) and she literally looks like a spirit dancing in human form. Then you listen to the actual lyrics and she’s talking about immortality and being remembered. I swear everything takes on a different meaning when you’re older. Or actually, the message was always there; it was my own understanding that took years to catch up to the message.

I did go to a party in an undisclosed warehouse in DTLA more than 10 years ago and I did just that.

Well since I’m old and don’t know where to go anymore for such things, I just danced in my room in between drawing. That was enough for me.

bookmark_borderShe Waits For Me in the Ether

She waits for me in the ether

Where space and time never existed

It’s peaceful, serene but lonely…even though my mother and her father keep her company

She misses her family and best friends on the earth plane

She misses her beautiful human form

She always wanted to be a sad girl

And now her wish came true

For everyone can see her

But no one can hear her no more


It’s been one year since my friend Roxy passed. I wish I had taken the day off.????

I did see a sign from her today; on my way home from work a white car in front of me had the letters “RBM” on their license plate.

bookmark_borderThe Spiritual Community Has Me Feeling Jaded

These last few months has left me feeling jaded about the spiritual community. From spiritual bypassing to fake Instagram gurus, to false spiritual “influencers”…

I know it’s nothing really new but on top of a pandemic / economic depression / apocalyptic times maybe that’s why I’m not as vested in Crystal Healer LA as much as I was before. My relationship with Reiki has also changed as I’m learning to decolonize my spiritual practice, which is complex. I still love crystals though and believe 100% in their healing abilities, I just don’t know where I belong in all of this.

Perhaps that’s why I respect and admire the Devil so much; even though he/she/it is a made up figure it still represents a powerful, opposing force. Last night as I was going to sleep, I pulled the Devil tarot (the third card of 3) from the Labyrinthos app.

At least the Devil, who is a symbol of our shadow / aspect of our true and unconscious desires – won’t lie to us. Of course we will spend half our lives denying it, but if you look at your life thus far – your unconscious was really running the show all along. Please read Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliott.

Here’s an old drawing that I did, scanned and altered in Photoshop. At the time of this drawing, I wanted to be a tattoo artist so I was heavily influenced by Sailor Jerry’s flash. You can see that i borrowed the demon head from him.

Hail Satan.

bookmark_borderAll is Divine Energy

I’ve come to the conclusion that all is divine energy – whether you use Reiki, Light Language, Middle Pillar, Quantum Touch or any other type of energy work to heal yourself and others.

I started using Reiki again for self-healing and found myself combining it with the others I just listed. I didn’t even force it, it just wanted to come through that way. I’ve encountered reptilian energy again while meditating with Serpentine, but this time it was benevolent. It was from the earth and I wasn’t fearful; it was alligators, snakes, kundalini energy.

I’m also at this state where I’m no longer paying attention to anyone in particular on IG, especially if they’re not paying attention to me. Whatever that was, a one sided energy exchange – has worn off. Admiration and adoration of others that you look up to is nice, but I noticed that I was hanging onto every word a few people were saying and believing it to be the absolute truth. It might be true for them, but not for me. So I pretty much had to snap out of it and unhook myself from people.

Just know that your thoughts and feelings about something or someone can change at any moment and that’s okay.

I’ve decided to stay in my lane and do whatever it is I’m good at. I’m still really trying to learn PHP, MySQL but mostly Javascript because I still suck major ballz. Not putting myself down, just being realistic; numbers with problem solving and equations aren’t my strong points but since I have to work with it a lot at work, I feel as if I really need to fucking learn it already. Wish me luck. As a Sagittarius though, I know that I tend to take on too many things to learn & achieve. I guess we’ll see.

Quick animated digital sketch gif by me, let’s call her Minty.

bookmark_borderA Wannabe Bodhisattva

Never have I minded my business so hard than after Reiki II attunement. Other than learning to use two more symbols for channeling life force energy and healing, I didn’t think anything would really happen afterwards…

Let’s just say anything tied to my emotional attachments have completely dropped off. I haven’t had any desire to post on Twitter or lurk on anyone’s Instagram, I feel as if I have nothing to say. I am in my own world right now.

I literally feel like a bodhisattva, surrounded by lotus flowers and floating on a cloud. Seeing everything from a higher perspective, wanting to help people end their suffering. I’m physically here and simultaneously on another plane of existence…

except I’m not a bodhisattva. I still have to go to work and look at nudes. 8 years of working in the adult entertainment industry, let’s just say I’m ready for something else…but what that something else is, I don’t even know.

I was going to post a pic of a Green Tara but chose to do this rough sketch instead and started playing with it more. Her skin is green so I made this girl green.

Everything’s the same and yet everything’s different.

My TCT final is this weekend, June 9th. I’ve been practicing doing crystal therapy on people at least once a week. So thankful that my friends & co-workers are open minded enough to try it. During my final, I’ll be doing a crystal therapy on someone I don’t know…

wish me luck.

bookmark_borderOn Some Life Purpose Shit

I think I’m S L O W L Y starting to see my life purpose…and (I think) it sort of involves the fact that I’m weird with an open mind & open heart and the fact that I also work behind the scenes in the adult entertainment industry.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ll probably notice that I rarely discuss my job. It’s a marketing and graphic design job so it’s nothing too exciting (unless you love sex & nudes, HA). I create lots of visual content sure, but I also look at a lot of data and some of it involves being technical.

But because of it, I’m attracting those who are weird like me that seek healing (they seek the crystals, not me btw) but can’t seem to be accepted by certain spiritual folk because it’s beyond their level of ‘weird’…

Spiritual folk who have issues with sex, sex workers and people who are on the fringe. And maybe even those who are all those things and are also POC. Those are the people who find me. People whom I accept because even though I don’t fully know what it’s like to be a sex worker, marketing for this industry allows me to understand a whole lot more than the average person.

And I have learned a lot from working here. I’m not even all that weird, really…as far as I know I’m straight and I don’t have a kinky lifestyle. I go to bed at 10pm and I get up to go to work just like everyone else, it’s just the content that’s different.

The secret’s out folks: I’m actually really boring as fuck.?

But like I said, I try to always have an open mind and an open heart. I’m learning to recognize Spirit in all things.

I mean, didn’t Jesus spend time with the lepers and the freaks?

And while I’ve worked here, I’ve delved into spirituality more and more – tarot, crystals, reiki, etc.

They’re all sort of merging into one…becoming something new.

I had a tarot reading with a good friend recently and she pulled the II of Wands from the Deviant Moon Tarot Deck and said something profound.

It went something like this:

Your two creative jobs are crossing over each other; they are becoming more fluid. There is no separation, just a flow of energy flowing in and out of one another.

I had to write this down before it slipped away.

Here are some other possible meanings for the Two of Wands.

bookmark_borderIt’s So Easy to Slip Back…

Into an old habit, an old way of thinking…

I am totally aware of this. Right now I’m feeling an old habit creeping up on me, the feeling of boredom. I don’t want to be bored, yet I am. Perhaps the gloomy weather is causing me to feel this way, perhaps it’s my job.

Regardless I am thankful for my job, I am thankful for my life. I’m thankful that I was able to manifest an online business selling crystals; I don’t even know how it happened – being a seller was never really on my radar but marketing and building websites were, so there. It helps that I really like crystals too.

But I get bored still from time to time…I think everybody does.

You don’t have to fight it, but you can’t let it take over completely. So I am writing this to my future self as a reminder:

+ If you get bored, remember to just simply change it up! Do something a different way or make it a point to learn something new every day.

+ Read, read, read. Doodle, scribble, draw. Write with a pen, handwriting is still important.

+ Snap out of it, snap out of feeling sorry for yourself. Other people are really suffering and here you are complaining about being bored. SMH. Exercise, go outside, take a walk, breathe and be in gratitude for fuck sake. You really have a lot to be thankful for.

I am all too aware that I am also creeping my way into getting old, I can see the subtleties on my face. I’m caring less and less about a lot of things but I also don’t want to be forgetful. And I don’t want to be helpless. That’s why they say reading, writing and problem solving or playing memory games is important.

I’ve also been thinking about my finances a lot more, like 401ks and life insurance. I don’t have children so that made it a little easier, but I still have to think about retirement and my loved ones. Had I payed closer attention to this stuff when I was younger, I would be all set for retirement! I would be rich by this world’s standards. But if I DID amass that huge amount, then Uncle Sam would be taxing me for it, wouldn’t he? He sure would! So really, which choice is better; and are you really rich if all that you saved up for goes to paying down debt?

Whatever choice I picked is fine for me, I am successful either way. No matter what choice we make in life, Spirit will always look out for your best interest. You can always look back on your life and see how everything actually worked out for you.

I wanted to draw something for this post but I got stuck. So here’s an old drawing that I decided would look better in hot pink and as an animated gif.

I haven’t been feeling super creative and so I wrote this blog post over at my crystal shop’s website: How to Break Through a Creative Block with Crystals

bookmark_borderPetitioning The Spirits Through Candle Magic

So I don’t like to admit that I was sort of bumming out that sales had really slowed down at Metaphysical Vibes and on Etsy, a little depressed even. But I think that your first year as a small business is always the hardest – there are days when I start to question myself, there are days when I don’t know if I will even last. Luckily the crystals always know how to bring me back to my center and then I am myself again.

I learned recently that commitment to being consistent is the most challenging thing for me right now. Consistency when it comes to posting to social media, consistency in posting crystals to the shop. I’m definitely doing it but a small part of me is also getting a little tired.

Consistency is hard; I read something in a book that 60% of all new businesses fail within the first year. That and the motivation to keep at it especially when you’re not seeing the results you want is the hardest.

One of my flaws is that I’m impatient; kind and patient with everyone else but impatient with myself. I couldn’t just sit around anymore, I had to do something to get things moving a little bit.

So that’s when I finally decided to order 2 candles from Jessyka Winston of hausofhoodoo.com to help me get some business back. Everyone’s been raving about her fixed candles so I wanted to see for myself. Long story short, the candle did (and is still doing it’s work) even before I actually lit it and business started to pick up again. I’m so thankful for that.

I guess the point of this blog post is – don’t be too proud to ask the spirits for help. Yes we go with the cosmic flow of the universe, but we can also do some things to get it moving. We all need a little help sometimes whether we need money, a better job or a new relationship. For me, I wanted better business.

And while you are asking for help, don’t expect the spirits to do ALL the work for you. You still have to do your part – meaning that you have to be really intentional with what you want.

Pyrite with Quartz is not for sale, it’s from my personal collection. Pyrite is the perfect mineral for attracting money, wealth and making shit happen aka manifestation (especially for those who have a business or are thinking of starting one). Also a great and masculine protector from negative energies.

bookmark_borderNew Moon in Virgo Drawing – 09/18/17

Boredom can often lead to creativity.

And today I feel bored. Bored with the work I’m doing, bored with the content. Bored with my body, I want to float away.

The moon has a way of drawing that out I think; making you think you’ve cleared and moved past a certain issue, yet it comes back somehow. It’s a vicious cycle, really. One minute I’m grateful for what I have, next minute I’m bored af and questioning myself yet again as to why I’m still here. It drives me nuts.

We are earthy/airy/fiery/watery/spiritual beings all at once and the moon pulls on the watery, emotional/feeling parts of ourselves and takes us through those cycles.

I dream about the crystal store and imagine myself working at home. That’s all I want really.

I don’t want to be an entrepreneur who works on their laptop at the beach. Although that sounds very nice and great if you are doing it but I don’t want to WORK at the beach. I want to ENJOY the beach. I want to be present – breathe deeply, smell the ocean air, run sand through my hands and feet.

But I really just want to be at home.

Home is where I feel the most comfortable and happy.

I’m a simple human with simple needs.