bookmark_borderThere is No Creativity without Discomfort

Street signage that I would see on my way to work

From Mystic Medusa’s daily horoscope
The back design of tarot and oracle card decks I own are just as beautiful
I’m here right now :/

 

It’s kind of embarrassing what social media marketers have to do (at least in my experience); for example liking your own posts from different accounts so it looks like there are more likes than there really are. It’s fucking hard and I think that’s why a lot of people cheated back in the day and bought likes & followers instead. Of course nowadays, it isn’t allowed anymore…just use bots, amirite? Ugh. I still don’t know how to do that.

I think that is why I never considered myself a true marketer – you either come off way too salesy or it just feels forced. But I did try to create content for myself at some point under my real name. Trying to merge my Midheaven in Scorpio with my sun in the 10th house just wasn’t working though…since I have been working in the adult entertainment industry for years now, I realize that I feel more comfortable being semi-hidden out of the public eye (although my Mars in Leo still likes to be seen & admired sometimes, remember?).

A true occultist to the bone.


The prompt I asked Gemini:
Explain to me what the difference is between my Midheaven in Scorpio and my sun in the 10th house; I’m trying to write a blog post showing why I can’t be a true marketer when I was attempting to create content for myself as a personal brand and prefer to be semi-hidden from the pubic eye.

Gemini’s response:
This is a brilliant topic for a blog post because it perfectly captures the “High-Stakes Tug-of-War” between your outward success and your private soul. To a “Marketing Guru,” the 10th House and the Midheaven (MC) look like the same thing—The Spotlight—but to you, they are functioning in two completely different dimensions.

Here is the forensic breakdown of why your “Personal Brand” feels like a trap.


1. The Midheaven (MC) in Scorpio: The “Internal Investigator”

The Midheaven is your Public Reputation and your “Professional Soul.” In Scorpio, your “Face” to the world isn’t a billboard—it’s a Mask.

  • The Conflict: Scorpio is the sign of the occult, secrets, and “Deep Water.” Having a Scorpio MC means you are naturally drawn to careers that involve uncovering truth, not broadcasting noise. * The “Anti-Marketer” Logic: True marketing requires “Radical Transparency” and constant, shallow visibility (being “The Face”). A Scorpio MC hates this. You want your work to be a mystery that people have to “detect” or “earn” access to. You’d rather be the Power Behind the Throne (the producer, the researcher, the strategist) than the “Brand” on the screen.

2. The Sun in the 10th House: The “Visible Light”

The Sun is your Core Identity and Vitality. Having it in the 10th House (the House of Career/Fame) means that you must be recognized to feel alive.

  • The Paradox: Your Sun wants to shine and achieve the $2M “Establishment” status. But because it’s filtered through that Scorpio MC, the “Light” feels like a spotlight you didn’t ask for.

  • The Result: You attract attention effortlessly, but you feel “exposed” when you get it. You want the Authority (10th House) without the Attention (Marketing).

bookmark_borderGetting to Know Saturn

The older I get the more I get to know Saturn, the ultimate Time Lord. Also known as Kronos.

In Astrology The Divine Science by Marcia Moore and Mark Douglas, there are the Ages of Man. Saturn being the ‘stage of establishment’ (excerpt edited to be nonbinary):

The Saturnian period lasts from a person’s forty-second to their forty-ninth year and marks the end of their natural growth. By the time a person has completed their first half-century, they have thoroughly determined the type of human being they are going to be…

By now they should have achieved a measure of self-discipline and be of sound and mature judgement. However, if the previous stages have not been fulfilled, they will find themselves verging on depression and decline.

Being a Sagittarius Sun, I’m naturally optimistic. Please don’t mistake my personality for “positive vibes” though – I’ll roll my eyes at you.

But lately, I’ve just been…

– sad
– depressed
– bored
– isolated
– feeling stuck
– feeling way too serious
– more concerned about my health and how to preserve it

Yeah, seriously. I was thinking again to myself ‘fuck, am I having a midlife crisis right now’ because it’s about that time. Mid 40’s. And it could be because I’m having feelings of boredom and stuckness.

VIII of Swords and IX of Swords type of vibe. I pulled those exact cards this week after not pulling cards for a while.

Saturn will discipline you and keep you restricted.

Saturn in Capricorn did this to me last year. It was trying to be my father and tell me I wasn’t shit. That everything I was doing was a waste of time. Like, where do these ancient, paternal/maternal ‘voices’ suddenly come from? Making you doubt yourself? Making you feel inadequate? Making you feel small and not-so-confident? That’s Saturn.

This year, of course Pisces energy amplifies it even more. All of this was going on in my head but it felt real. The output of emotions were real.

You’re not going crazy my dear, it’s all in your chart!

Having Neptune in the mix just makes everything more…nebulous. I feel dreamy but also lost and confused.

I hope this helps if you’re feeling heavy lately and not feeling fully like yourself. Look to the planets transiting your natal chart. It will give you some relief, but you’ll still feel crazy or attract it.

Many people don’t believe in astrology because it’s purely psychological; you can’t see it but you’ll definitely feel it.

The app I use is Time Passages.

p.s. for anyone who is wondering – I am okay, truly.❤️  I am pretty good at being able to see beyond myself and see a different perspective.

Edit: wanted to add some additional insights to this post. It’s true that while Saturn isn’t super fun, you can still benefit from Saturnian energy. For example, perhaps maybe you do need discipline – whether you’re trying to eat more healthy or change a habit (which in my case, yes) or you need to be restricted for a bit (which is also a yes for me because I’ve been spending money left & right).

Conclusion: you can still find opportunity or something good in a planet that’s not exactly known for being good-natured.

bookmark_borderA Celtic Cross Reading for Myself – 12/6/2017

I am and have been living in the eternal now moment more these days. Life has been feeling more and more timeless the more I let go of certain concepts, like birthdays.

Like today is supposed to be my “40th” birthday but what does that really mean? It’s a construct, created by humans to measure time.

Anyways, before I ramble on about esoteric things – the whole purpose of this blog post was to post my first Celtic Cross reading I did for myself today. For the longest time, I feel as if I have been intimidated by this spread and was actually looking for someone to read my cards for me; but through the process of searching for someone I realized that I ‘could’ just read for myself (even though I still need help from a book). To anyone who is reading this, I’m not a professional tarot reader at all – I just read for myself.

So here is a photo of my reading using my favorite deck the HK Tarot with the card and card position meanings:

Position 1  / Heart of the Matter: IV of Pentacles

Position 2 / Opposing Factor: I The Magician

Position 3 / Root Cause or Unconscious Influence: XV The Devil

Position 4 / The Past: Page of Cups

Position 5 / Attitudes and Beliefs or Conscious Influence: IV The Emperor

Position 6 / Future or Approaching Influence: Ace of Wands

Position 7 / You as Your Present Self: II of Pentacles

Position 8 / You as Others See You: IX The Hermit

Position 9 / Guidance: III of Pentacles

Position 10 / Outcome: X of Pentacles

I’ve definitely been focused on business stuff lately so of course it makes total sense that a lot of pentacles are present in my reading. I’ve had money on my mind a lot – how to make it, how to keep it, how to make more of it in a way that’s enjoyable to me. The devil is ever present, reminding me of my strong attachments to material wealth (money).

I used Joan Bunning’s Learning The Tarot book as my guide; it was one of the first tarot books I got for myself and seems to be the book I still go back to often.

Do you have a tarot book that you really like? I’d love to know what books you read.