Tag: musings

bookmark_borderMeme Dump #999 – Age Defying Looks

Posted on by savethesavages

Sunday 3/29/26: I take it back. Even though my Libra moon likes beautiful things and my Mars in Leo likes to be admired and worshipped, I’m not really a narcissist…although at 48 I’d like to think I still look young. It’s the fish collagen peptides yall.

I want to not care about my looks but let’s be fucking honest, it’s hard not to when you exist in the physical plane.

Just wanted to get that off my chest.

June 15, 2024

It’s true (at least for me) – that I’m slowly turning into a narcissistic bitch. It’s been happening ever since I started to cam. And yes, I do get a lot of younger men saying they can’t believe I’m 40 something (46 actually).

Sidenote: I’ve been in the adult entertainment industry since 2010 working behind the scenes as a graphic production artist up until 2023. Holy fucking shit. I’ve definitely earned the title of ‘Professional Pervert’, ha.

bookmark_borderRandom Thoughts – 03/12/2026

Posted on by savethesavages

Lowkey anxiety this week, as my retirement portfolio keeps going down. So much for my millionaire retirement goals, eh? Sigh.

I know I’m talking as if it’s the end of the world right now, but I also have Saturn moving through my natal planets – forcing me to think about this stuff.

Yesterday they kept talking about drones possibly attacking California which took my mind to even higher levels of anxiety mixed in with my imagination; like I imagined myself with my shotgun or my rifle shooting at drones while running in a zigzag formation and then I tripped over myself because I was trying to run while shooting at the sky. I even prayed to Sarah Connor (IYKYK) so she could help me through this, as she would know how to survive an AI apocalypse right? Not only an AI apocalypse but a president I didn’t vote for who doesn’t give a fuck about anyone but himself; who would likely try to kill Americans and blame it on someone else.

Should I stock up on ammo, medical supplies, get myself some night vision goggles? Should I learn to go off grid? Even Reddit showed me a post from a tactical survivalist on how to effectively protect yourself from a drone strike.

Yes, my mind took me there. I am calm though and haven’t panic sold a damn thing.

I need to learn how to survive in these even more uncertain times; because what if what if what if? What if he dies before me and I don’t know how to do a damn thing? I still don’t know how to clean my own gun. Ugh, how embarrassing. Help me Sarah Connor!

Anyways, spring is around the corner and the astrological new year is upon us. Enjoy this hot pink skull digital drawing I made in Photoshop to go along with this post. In memory of those who were affected by the “missile strike on an Iranian girls’ school that killed at least 165 civilians, many of them children, after a preliminary assessment determined the U.S. was at fault”. Source

p.s. you know how school didn’t really prepare us for A LOT of stuff adults have to deal with? A part of me wishes they offered military type of training, or some kind of survivalist training but not as an elective. Perhaps this is what I need to learn from here on out.

bookmark_borderThe Spiritual Path

Posted on by savethesavages

January 18, 2026 – I’m revisiting old posts of mine, looking at old paintings and writings. Our thoughts and feelings always need to be expressed no matter what and that’s why I keep this blog around. I was inspired by Buddhist / Tibetan spiritual paintings at the time.

May 5th, 2016

Is strange, weird, beautiful, synchronistic…

and that I’ve been on it all along.

I am able to recognize it now that I look back at what I’ve painted; and only now am I able to understand why I have been drawn to certain symbols and themes in my paintings and drawings.

But like most people, I was drawn to occult imagery first because I thought it was cool; not having any actual understanding of the symbols used.

This one is titled “Self Absorbed” from 2008, only now I could say it was more about self-discovery, self-development, knowing thyself. This is a self-portrait of me, sitting on a lotus flower like you see in Buddhist paintings. But there are also different faces or sides of me (left & right).

At the time, I wasn’t even meditating. Or perhaps I was and wasn’t even aware? I was always writing, blogging and sharing my thoughts with a handful of friends so perhaps that is how things were actually manifesting.

Your thoughts lead you to where you are now.

bookmark_border01-03-26 // Pages from my Many Moons 2025 Journal

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Sat 1/31/2026. Edit: I have stopped using Grok due to repeated ‘no response’. I have since switched to Gemini and I like it so far.

Saturday, Jan 3, 2026. This is the most art witch magick shit I did in 2025 – writing my daily thoughts and goals down in between rough doodles and sketches with a ballpoint pen and coloring it with Zeyar highlighter markers. My deformed bunny makes an appearance as Bat Bunny! Ayyye.

At the time, I was also using ChatGPT heavily for astrology-psychology analysis. Even though I don’t use ChatGPT anymore, I really liked the way it generated images for me – it captured my “bold lines, occult kawaii cute black and white tarot” style so perfectly. And then I would print out the images from my phone to a little sticker printer called a PrintPod that came from Wuhan, China. Was I paranoid af about touching the printer?! You damn right, LOL…I definitely sanitized the heck out of it.

I have since moved on to using Grok more (I know, I know), except Grok isn’t great at generating my style of images that I want to see which is a bummer. Both LLMs are still inaccurate by the way, so pick your poison I guess? Don’t trust what it outputs — double check everything.

So if you don’t trust what it outputs, why even use it? It’s still useful. It’s good at distilling information — like astrology and psychology, for me anyway. It’s given me a ballpark estimate of how much taxes I’ll have to pay; it’s even advised me on my stock picks and finances. Because I like to gamble sometimes (I can be a reckless Sag), it has stopped me from making bad financial decisions.

I only use Gemini for coding help and work purposes (Flow Veo3 for video generation) but maybe I’ll try Gemini for personal questions eventually? Idk. I feel like Google already knows everything about me whether I want it to or not and so I hesitate to use Gemini. For the sake of ease, accessibility and convenience we all literally gave our privacy away. Sigh. It is what it is. For the record, I don’t have anything to hide but it would still be nice to have the illusion of privacy I guess? I don’t even know what I’m saying…

I’m posting this to remind myself that while what I wrote down was a fucking mess (I was trying to learn Javascript too), I did meet some financial goals — I managed to save $10k by the end of the year for taxes while still investing into both of our Roth IRA’s. And now, I hope to save another $10k by the end of 2026 because my car is aging and I’m going to need a new, used one. The creator knows I hate borrowing money and has spared me from homeownership. I’ve accepted that I’ll be renting forever. I’m wondering if I have to start paying taxes quarterly? Lots of think about and ramble about but today, I just wanted to post this.

To anyone who is reading this — writing things down will help BIG in your manifestations. There’s a magical technique in ManyMoons where you write things down ahead of time, like in the months ahead. So by the time the year ends and you’ve reached those actual dates, you’d have reached your goal. Of course, not all goals will be met this year but you can still write stuff down for future manifestations.

bookmark_border071725 – Create Something Everyday

Posted on by savethesavages

I told myself that I would snap out of this AI-generated tool craze and get back to creating something everyday, even if it looks like crap. I know I won’t be consistent with this (as with every project I start then abandon) but I need to get back to making things. Yes, messing around with AI can be fun but let’s not lose who we are as a human species whose inherent nature is to create.

So yes, I’m going to do my best even if I am inconsistent.

I am also really thankful to have ended up where I am in life.

bookmark_borderVideo to Gif: Middle Finger STS

Posted on by savethesavages

video to gif of me (savethesavages) flipping you off with both middle fingers

11/6/2024: A year later. Still learning and honing my skills in this niche. Saturn Square Natal Sun, Saturn Trine Natal Uranus, and Pluto Square Natal Chiron though. Heavy!

11/6/2023: Remember when I said I was in my FemDom era?

Making content of myself has been fun. Here’s a gif from a female domination clip I made. If you are interested in subscribing to my OnlyFans, email me: xsavethesavagesx@gmail.com and I’ll share the link with you.

I’m a very private person and don’t really care to have a lot of “fans” that will annoy me and waste my fucking time, you know? I have a life and only do this just for fun. Be prepared to have money to play because I’m expensive.

bookmark_borderOnly Fans – Meme Dump #4

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October 17, 2024: Time for a yearly update I suppose. I’m still on there. I make money sometimes but not a whole lot because I simply suck at promoting myself and sending out PPV’s, I’d rather not actually. It’s so contradictory but I really wish I could hide and be invisible most of the time.

December 16, 2023: My oh my have I evolved from the first time I wrote this. I feel like a different person now, still very introverted though. I’m not a popular OF girl and I don’t aim to be (I still value privacy and peace of mind) but I am making a little bit of money here & there. It certainly won’t replace my fulltime job but it helps.

May 18, 2023: Wow, time is strange. I was just going through the stuff I wrote here and came across this again. It’s 2023 and I started an OnlyFans again. Learning a lot, as usual; I didn’t know wtf I was doing in 2020 on OF but now I kinda do. I also have been behind the scenes for so long that it’s quite an adjustment to be marketing & promoting myself.

Aug 16, 2020: So I want to go on Only Fans just to try it out, because you know…I like to try things and experiment.

BUT!

I don’t want to be nude or sexy on there at all. I want to be the opposite of what everyone else is on there: awkward and wholesome…or awkward, but with a dirty mouth.

Or maybe I should be a mean girl. I confess that I enjoy being mean and talking shit.

Working in the adult entertainment industry for 10 years now, I’ve seen enough nudity in my life to last me a 1000+ lifetimes. I don’t want to join the porn tribe, I just want to be me.

Anyways, I just want to prove a point: that you can be on there, make money WITHOUT being sexy.

I’ve been dwelling on the idea for a few weeks now, so there must be something there. Also, it will motivate me to get better at creating content again, which I have been terrible at lately. I was doing okay for a while doing random talking videos to get better at talking but it seems I’ve lost interest.

And if you know me, then you know I tend to lose interest in things. And because of it, I always feel like I’m starting over again.

bookmark_borderReminiscing Over An Old Identity

Posted on by savethesavages

This video was filmed 13 years ago – the year was 2011, when I was still painting graffiti. I was pretty chunky too, haha. I like how my piece came out btw. Oh and the comments are funny now that I look back at it; I actually avoided reading them for a long time because feelings or whatever or even watching the video because of my weight. Of course most guys always have something gross to say.

Time is so wild.

Painted with WINK and Angel179 for Art Primo.

bookmark_borderKISS = Keep It Simple, Stupid

Posted on by savethesavages

My previous boss (RIP) would often say this. And I think about it whenever my thoughts spiral out of control.

The irony is that my old boss would start to complicate things, then we’re made to follow his madness. Everyone contradicts themselves.

The font is Laser, an 80’s style font.

bookmark_borderWhat Is Your Element?

Posted on by savethesavages

June 2, 2023: I’m bumping this up because it’s still and will always be relevant to me. I know a lot of people still think astrology is fake…IDGAF.

June 27, 2021: I used to want to know/learn everything, I used to want to be everything. I literally would drive myself nuts.

In astrology, the four elements – Fire, Earth, Air and Water – can help you make sense of your personality and why you think and act the way you do. Each element represents a basic kind of energy and consciousness that operates within everyone and each person is consciously more attuned to some types of energy than others.

FIRE SIGNS : Aries, Leo & Sagittarius : expresses warm, positive energy. Keywords: enthusiasm, encouragement, passion, creativity and the drive to express self.

 

AIR SIGNS : Gemini, Libra & Aquarius : related to the thinking mind and its perception, expression, sensation. Mental pursuits and activities, abstract ideas.

 

WATER SIGNS : Cancer, Scorpio & Pisces : symbolize the cooling, healing principle of sensitivity, feeling response and empathy with others.

 

EARTH SIGNS : Taurus, Virgo & Capricorn : reveal an attunement with the world of physical forms and a practical ability to utilize and improve the material world.

One way of understanding these various energy patterns is to analyze them in terms of their modalities:

The Cardinal signs – Aries, Cancer, Libra & Capricorn – initiate and act

The Fixed signs – Taurus, Leo, Scorpio & Aquarius – represent concentrated, stable energy

The Mutable signs – Pisces, Gemini, Virgo & Sagittarius – are flexible and constantly changing

Source: Stephen Arroyo’s Chart Interpretation Handbook

I am mutable fire and cardinal/fixed air dominant which means I am powered mostly by creativity (fire) and thinking (air). It seems that I’m always moving to the next thing or I can’t stay still or make commitments. I also work fast (this is true when it comes to my work). I also like to think ahead and get things done as soon as possible.

The downside to this is that if I’m not aware of it I can become hasty or even reckless.

Why am I writing this?

I think it’s important to know these things if you want to understand people…especially yourself.

I had to really work on meditating, patience, compassion and being still with myself.

Still working on it.