bookmark_borderPhotos: Memories of the Future MMXV

02/05/2026 – Sorting through photos and wanted to add these. The bird was painted by my lovely friend, Femme9. Her Instagram


01/11/2026 – Just reminiscing about who I was…I think this was the last piece I painted in 2015.


11/2020

Do you ever mourn the person that you once were?

It’s a trip how one’s ego motivates you for a long time. For over 20 years, painting graffiti was all I ever gave a shit about. That and making sure my profession was somewhat creative.

Then my mom died in 2006 and even though I still painted, the desire to paint consistently started to fade away. I’m not going into details, but other people ruined it for me too.

Your consciousness changes over time. You are the same person but different.

I didn’t realize that I would also experience a death of some sorts, but I did. I’ve died over and over.

Copied and pasted from my birth chart report:

Your Sun is in the 10th House of your birth chart meaning that you’re the sort of person who likes to make your mark on the world, in particular through your profession.

 

The Sun is in Sagittarius

Your Sun is in the Zodiac Sign of Sagittarius indicating that you’re a sunny and optimistic individual, with a love of adventure. In fact adventure plays a key role in your life, whether it be literally traveling around the globe, or metaphorically speaking exploring the world of ideas and philosophy. You’re particularly enthusiastic about anything that expands your world and helps you forget about daily chores.

bookmark_borderWhat Is Your Element?

June 2, 2023: I’m bumping this up because it’s still and will always be relevant to me. I know a lot of people still think astrology is fake…IDGAF.


June 27, 2021: I used to want to know/learn everything, I used to want to be everything. I literally would drive myself nuts.

In astrology, the four elements – Fire, Earth, Air and Water – can help you make sense of your personality and why you think and act the way you do. Each element represents a basic kind of energy and consciousness that operates within everyone and each person is consciously more attuned to some types of energy than others.

FIRE SIGNS : Aries, Leo & Sagittarius : expresses warm, positive energy. Keywords: enthusiasm, encouragement, passion, creativity and the drive to express self.

 

AIR SIGNS : Gemini, Libra & Aquarius : related to the thinking mind and its perception, expression, sensation. Mental pursuits and activities, abstract ideas.

 

WATER SIGNS : Cancer, Scorpio & Pisces : symbolize the cooling, healing principle of sensitivity, feeling response and empathy with others.

 

EARTH SIGNS : Taurus, Virgo & Capricorn : reveal an attunement with the world of physical forms and a practical ability to utilize and improve the material world.

One way of understanding these various energy patterns is to analyze them in terms of their modalities:

The Cardinal signs – Aries, Cancer, Libra & Capricorn – initiate and act

The Fixed signs – Taurus, Leo, Scorpio & Aquarius – represent concentrated, stable energy

The Mutable signs – Pisces, Gemini, Virgo & Sagittarius – are flexible and constantly changing

Source: Stephen Arroyo’s Chart Interpretation Handbook

I am mutable fire and cardinal/fixed air dominant which means I am powered mostly by creativity (fire) and thinking (air). It seems that I’m always moving to the next thing or I can’t stay still or make commitments. I also work fast (this is true when it comes to my work). I also like to think ahead and get things done as soon as possible.

The downside to this is that if I’m not aware of it I can become hasty or even reckless.

Why am I writing this?

I think it’s important to know these things if you want to understand people…especially yourself.

I had to really work on meditating, patience, compassion and being still with myself.

Still working on it.

bookmark_borderCosmic Grief

The death of Roxy and now a year and a half later, Tabby – I feel like – has stunted my creativity and side business pursuits. First I lost interest in Crystal Healer LA, next up is Metaphysical Vibes I think. It’s really not their fault at all but I’m feeling and experiencing the after effects. I don’t have the same energy for things; if anything I’ve been staring off into space a lot. I’ve literally been bringing Hematite and Apache Tear with me to work and it’s been helping me ground and stay in the moment (especially when driving).

I want to disappear from the internet and be anonymous, like the old days. Not to talk shit or anything, just to browse freely without someone trying to steal my personal data for marketing/advertising purposes or identity theft.

Somewhat related to this is a movie with Johnny Depp called Transcendence.

I also like the idea of creating anonymously. In that sense, you don’t have to worry about your identity, especially when it comes to people stealing your work. Not having an identity means you’re less likely to get upset about it. On another note, this is why Bitcoin is so appealing because it is decentralized; the banks don’t own it.

I’ve lost my sense of purpose and I don’t feel motivated – all the signs of grief. Right now I’m thinking to myself ‘why tf am I still here?’

I’m just trying my best to live through it and not be so hard on myself for not creating or being productive. I am grieving after all, I just don’t like to admit it.

I was tired from being on the computer at work so I came home and painted this instead of turning the computer on, which is something I want to do more often. Not saying I was off the computer entirely, I was still on my phone. I was just drawing lines and spirals but subconsciously a dimensional zodiac wheel appeared. I like it so far.

Even though I feel sad and empty, I am aware that other people are experiencing worse than me. There is always something to be grateful for, even in our pain and sorrow.