bookmark_borderIs It Halloween Yet?

I must’ve drawn this 5 years ago. I usually date my drawings but for this one, I didn’t.

Halloween last year was pretty non existent. I still look forward to it even though I don’t even dress up or actually do anything for Halloween.

I think it’s just mostly the vibe for me – the darkness, the fog, spooky atmosphere, horror movies, Samhain, etc. Just like how I like the design of the main Sanrio characters enough to get it tattooed on me but not be an actual collector of those items (unless it’s Badtz Maru). Ok, I’m rambling.

I live in my head, I live in the world of ideas. It must be the combo of my Fire and Air signs (Sag, Libra / Aquarius).

I’m missing my cat. I’m missing Roxy. This drawing was pulled from a 2016 folder of photos and both Tabby & Roxy were in there. She had an art show so we made a spontaneous trip to Las Vegas and texted her when we were already there. She was so stoked.

I’m also reminded that she passed 11 days before Halloween. First year anniversary on top of the pandemic was hard. This year is already flying by quickly. The years are just flying by as I get older, period.

And yes, I made a bigass file size, looping gif of my cat Tabby so I can look upon her sweet face until this blog is gone.

bookmark_borderMagick is Real

Sometimes there are no words to explain how magick works in my life…so I just create.

I wanted to put a watermark on this but that would’ve been dumb, taking away from the beauty of this repeating animated symbol.

I don’t know what to call this symbol, I’ve seen it so many times in magickal works. I saw it on a tarot deck that I own and in the Psychonaut Field Manual. Since this PDF was shared with me for free, I figured I would share it with you because the original link seems to be missing.

bookmark_borderSocial Media Observations & Ramblings

Mostly based on my own behavior, I noticed that:

– People just aren’t paying attention as much. For me personally, my attention span dips in and out. The millions of people promoting or sharing something can be taxing and I have other things on my mind these days. Maybe it’s because I’m getting old? Idk. I was also one of those people promoting or sharing something for a hot minute…I got sick of myself.

– One of the things I learned about marketing your business is that if you want people to pay attention, then you have to post A LOT. This is how people will remember you, through repetition. It’s annoying as fuck tbh but it works. Posting a lot in my opinion though, eventually leads to burnout especially if it’s not producing some kind of return (a lead or a sale of your product). I definitely felt this with my crystal shop and that’s why I haven’t posted in some time now. Although I had a couple of loyal folks who always bought crystals from me (if you’re reading this – thank you, I love & appreciate you!), the majority of my crystal sales never came from posting on Instagram anyways.

– Posting a lot won’t necessarily bring the results you want. If anything, the majority of people just want to be entertained by what you post. They don’t always want to buy, which is why I think the shop section of IG is pointless. I’m definitely one of those people who also rejects a lot of ads (most of them are irrelevant anyway)…which is why it’s hard for me to do ads for my own business. Too critical for my own good.

– I haven’t been very successful with my own entrepreneurial endeavors; thanks to the neverending pandemic, I kinda gave up on it. I tried it, but wasn’t built for it. Did the universe spare me from struggling and putting myself in a situation I didn’t really want to be in? Probably. That or being programmed to be an employee for life has taken its toll.

– As usual, I’m bored with everything that I’m doing and I don’t know what’s next for me. A friend did a channeled card reading for me recently and also sensed my eternal state of boredom. Sigh. Anyways, here’s an excerpt from Mystic Medusa‘s Astral DNA Report aka her take on my natal chart that at least gives me some clues as to why I can’t just settle as a “personal brand”:

Neptune House X

Their public image can be mysterious: an alias, nom de plume or a brand conceals the true persona. Tenth House Neptune people are adrift in an ocean of treacherous career currents until they find or create their true vocation. Their c.v. is peppered with surreal episodes, a twilight zone of enigmatic gigs and of course, quite a few off-c.v. escapades. Whatever their official occupation, their title is really “magician” or “rainmaker.”

Enjoy this gif I made. Happy Scorpio season!

bookmark_borderI Like Creating Cute Things II

I didn’t realize how much digital stuff I’ve created over the years until I had to organize it this week.

This one’s super cute. I like creating cute things, remember? I made everything except for the baby chick. Unfortunately I don’t have all the time in the world to create everything from scratch so often times I gotta cheat.

Here’s one I did for work using the same concepts from

Photoshop Tutorial: How to Make DAT ASS Shake!?

Just literally two frames repeating over and over again.

I struggle with using the actual animation timeline in Photoshop so it seems easier to just animate things frame by frame. Also the file size needs to be small.

I’ve not been in a Halloween mood even though I’m glad it’s this time of the year and all. It’s been 2 years since Roxy left and I’m not feeling festive.

bookmark_borderFFFFOUND

One of my favorite sites that had tons of inspiring images of all sorts was ffffound and Tumblr. And weheartit, which surprisingly is still around. I guess I have to look for my login but anyways the point of this post is that I’m probably going to post all the images that I’ve snagged over the years. Right now they’re just sitting in my hard drive with no one to appreciate them so, yeah. Here’s some of them.

I also apologize in advance if only some of these are credited. If you happen to know who the original artist or source is, please let me know.

Happy new moon in Taurus. Are you buying crypto? Taurus is an earth sign ruled by Venus so this is a good time to invest or do some manifesting around your finances.

bookmark_borderGif Art: Remember Me When I’m Dead

I’m pretty sure my gif art will last longer…existing forever in the digital space.

I made this in After Effects following this tutorial on YouTube, rendered a 30 second video and brought it into Photoshop, converted it into frames and saved it as a gif.

bookmark_borderArtist Interview: Roxy B. Montoya

Some of you might remember that I posted this interview years ago on October, 1st 2012 when my website was still under SHERMGRAFIK dot com. Well oddly enough, FB sent me a memory that I posted this interview 8 years ago today. Here it is again because I’m really missing her heavy right now. I’m having a hard time feeling excited for Halloween, as her transition anniversary is the 20th. Her and I would start drawing around this time for Inktober on Instagram then fall tf off after a week or so because life happens. I can feel my body grieving and my spirit wandering, not wanting to be present.????

Hi Roxy! Thanks for taking the time to do this interview. You know I’m a HUGE fan of your work. Can you tell us a little about who you are, where you live and what you do?

I grew up in Hawaii, but currently live in Las Vegas. I came out here right after I graduated high school to attend the Art Institute because Hawaii didn’t have art schools at the time. While in school I met my husband, got married, had two boys, and we’ve been in Vegas ever since where I work as a fine artist, graphic designer, and instructor at IADT.

I have always known you to be a creative individual. How did you get into art?

I always felt the need to get images out of my head when I was little and kept a lot of journals that I’d write and doodle in. My sister and I have an 8-year age gap, so that being said we never had anything in common so I had to play on my own and keep myself occupied. I wrote a lot of stories and illustrated them. Kind of like imaginary friends on paper, but none of them were human. They were all magical little animals. I still prefer to paint animals to this day. I think they are much more interesting than humans.

Since I know you personally, I also know that you are a graphic designer and also an instructor! How did you get into that? Do you prefer one over the other?

I’ve always wanted to teach! But what I didn’t expect was to be teaching at a college, I always told myself maybe high school? Or maybe even a Jr. high art class, but college never really crossed my mind. A good friend of mine got hired as the program chair at IADT and wanted to build a solid team of new instructors and asked if I was interested. Before interviewing I sat in one of her classes to see if it was for me, and I fell in love. The rest is history and I’ve been there for 3 years now and love what I do. I love school because I’m a huge nerd. If I weren’t an instructor, I’d probably be a student.

Also, I don’t think I prefer one to the other because I teach what I love to do.

Do you gravitate towards a certain style of painting, designing, overall creating?

I think I’m still and will forever be trying to find my style. I am inspired and love so many different art movements, artists, and styles, that it’s only natural to include a little bit of everything in certain art pieces. I also love to experiment. But when it comes down to it, the core of my fine artwork has a strong Pop-Surrealism background and influence.

Design work is a bit trickier since I work for clients, but one thing I am a fan of is fresh and clean work. That will NEVER go out of style. I like to keep up with design trends and incorporate them when I can to keep my work up to date and marketable.

On the topic of instruction – what is the constant question that your students ask, or a topic or concept that they tend to struggle with?

Funny you should ask, but believe it or not, a reoccurring question I get at least once a quarter is “How much should I charge for my work?” This is such a broad question and I don’t give any solid answers, but instead try to give some advice on finding their worth. I also let them know that some of my best portfolio pieces were done for free, but the experience and exposure were priceless. It gives them a lot to think about and it has them view the graphic design and art world in a whole other perspective.

When you start a painting, do you have a routine or way of doing things? Does it have to be quiet or do you have tv or music on?

When I start a painting, it’s always intense! I feel like a surgeon about to perform heart surgery. I need all of my tools ready and laid out perfectly. I need all of my tools, cleaned, and I need to be focused. Once I sit down I am NOT getting up unless the house is on fire (because there is nothing more frustrating than having your concentration interrupted!) After I triple check my work area to make sure everything I need is there (including coffee and extra water,) I put on my painting playlist and slip on my earphones. Everyone knows not to bother or talk to me till I’m done.

I notice that you paint bunnies A LOT. Why bunnies? Is there a meaning behind it, your spirit animal perhaps?

Besides being cuddly and cute, I’ve always had rabbits growing up. I’ve read that rabbits represent creativity and fear and always felt that was an interesting combination….

Where do you get your inspiration from? What motivates you to create?

I love and collect antique children’s books. I love any nostalgic imagery and the books I have are filled with amazing illustrations. My favorite illustrator is Richard Scarry.

What motivates you to create?

Not too sound overly emo, but the best motivation I have ever had was a broken heart. I paint my best work when I’m depressed.

This is a random question but what are your pet peeves?

When people are late. Biggest pet peeve ever.

Honorable mentions: Bad parenting (like parents who bring their kids to R rated movies!) people who misspell “they’re,” assholes who take up two parking spaces, stupid baby names, people who go shopping during peak hours and use a bazillion coupons, dirty keyboards.

Ok so now, the opposite of that question – what do you love, admire, obsess about?

Typography, Radiohead, alchemy and symbolism, analogous color pallets, blood, thick cuts of fatty marbled meat, pictures of ice cream, cholas, silly tattoos, sushi, human anatomy, vintage children books, hello kitty, my kids, my husband, and my best friends.

What goes on in that brain of yours? Do you have deep thoughts about life’s greatest mysteries, or do you get paranoid about the government watching your every move?

I am always thinking of my purpose, because I think everyone in this universe has a purpose.

Any guilty pleasures?

Food porn, silly pictures of animals on the internet and making up captions to what they would say and how they would sound like out loud, vampire shows, reading Teen Vogue instead of adult Vogue. Ugh, I’ve already said too much.

Jesus or Satan?

One of my favorite movies of all time is Constantine, and I’m always daydreaming of being the female version of him. How rad would that be? Anyway, team Jesus all the way. WWJDOMGFTW.

If God (or aliens) decided to destroy us and it was up to you to represent us, what would you say are the redeeming qualities of the human race?

Despite our imperfections and capacity of evil and greed (let’s forget about all of that for a quick second,) humans will never stop fighting for what they believe in. We’re the only species that keeps advancing; we’ve built pyramids, been to the moon and cured diseases. Regardless of some of our actions, which can be ugly, we have the ability create beautiful things.

What do you think about art on the Internet and the amount of copying people do (whether it’s intentional or not)?

I think it’s more common than not, especially with young artists just starting out. It’s a cycle. We all get inspired and subconsciously (or not) we’ve “borrowed” elements or techniques we’ve admired and included them within our own artwork. Now, if someone reproduces your work, and continues to do so, that’s a problem. But there is nothing wrong with being inspired and openly letting people know where the original idea came from, for the sake of not looking like a douche. The idea behind this is to eventually find yourself and your own style. There is a difference between being a reproduction artist vs. someone completely original and known for his or her own unique style.

Speaking of the internets, what websites do you frequent?

The usuals. For design I like to check out what the people at Behance or Dribbble are up to. I have a handful of artists I like to follow, including Shermgrafik.com. Then of course guilty pleasures like Facebook, Pinterest and Allrecipes.com (because I love to cook.) And if I remember, I visit Postsecret on Sundays.

Are you a lover or a hater?

I wasn’t sure so I googled “Lover or Hater Quiz.” I took it and it said I was 50/50. It also gave me some advice: “I know you mean well, but you should be more open minded, and socialize more.” After taking the quiz, I feel slightly more hater than not.

Any advice or words of wisdom to those who are just starting out in the creative world?

Read “Steal Like an Artist” by Austin Kleon. Also, try to give back when you can. Not every gig has to be a paying one. Paint a mural for your community or design a logo for a charity out of the goodness of your heart (I love doing benefit shows and knowing my piece will help towards a good cause.) You were given a talent; never stop being thankful for that. Like any good thing in this world, nourish it and appreciate it. Keep evolving and even when you’re satisfied with a piece of art or design, start brainstorming how the next one will be 10 times better. Know there will always be someone better than you. Stay humble.

Is there anything else you’d like to say or let people know about yourself?

No animals were harmed during the making of this interview. 

Roxy on Instagram ???? Roxy’s website

Her most recent illustrations are at @xactoknife

bookmark_borderOnly Fans Update – 9/17/20

My Only Fans isn’t poppin and here’s why:

  • I’m not fucking popular.
  • I’m not showing any nudes.
  • I’m not promoting enough.

Become or do the opposite of the 3 I just mentioned above and I’m 100% sure your Only Fans will be POPPIN. (Don’t know why I picked “poppin” – it seemed the most appropriate word).

My reason for this is that I simply would rather be low key about it. If I start promoting heavy like everyone else then I will for sure attract creeps and rudeass subscribers who will demand shit from me and I really don’t want that.

Most people are lured by money but can’t see that there’s a price to pay for it. I would rather have my peace & privacy (whatever that actually means). I don’t think I can handle the fame, rude comments and lack of privacy. I can see that some of these girls are already suffering from it.

So I’m taking it slow and not forcing myself to do anything I don’t feel comfortable doing.

If you do go on Only Fans, or any of these platforms (there are more now that are springing up btw with better payouts) – be sure that you’re not doing it for the money. Otherwise you’ll be disappointed.

Do it because you like making content and that it’s a creative outlet for you.

Based on my observations so far, the ones who are making bank from Only Fans have a huge following on Twitter, Instagram or YouTube. And they’re young and attractive. And they’re showing nudes.

I’ve only found someone on Only Fans close to my age; she’s a few years older than me and is successful and that would be Sinnamon Love and Tera Patrick. The only difference is that they’re retired porn stars with huge followings and I’m just a nobody.

To be continued…

Here’s a trippy animated gif that I made – I drew the triangles in Photoshop with my Wacom tablet, animated them and added some light in the middle. I wish I could remember how I actually did it though.

bookmark_borderThe Spiritual Community Has Me Feeling Jaded

These last few months has left me feeling jaded about the spiritual community. From spiritual bypassing to fake Instagram gurus, to false spiritual “influencers”…

I know it’s nothing really new but on top of a pandemic / economic depression / apocalyptic times maybe that’s why I’m not as vested in Crystal Healer LA as much as I was before. My relationship with Reiki has also changed as I’m learning to decolonize my spiritual practice, which is complex. I still love crystals though and believe 100% in their healing abilities, I just don’t know where I belong in all of this.

Perhaps that’s why I respect and admire the Devil so much; even though he/she/it is a made up figure it still represents a powerful, opposing force. Last night as I was going to sleep, I pulled the Devil tarot (the third card of 3) from the Labyrinthos app.

At least the Devil, who is a symbol of our shadow / aspect of our true and unconscious desires – won’t lie to us. Of course we will spend half our lives denying it, but if you look at your life thus far – your unconscious was really running the show all along. Please read Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliott.

Here’s an old drawing that I did, scanned and altered in Photoshop. At the time of this drawing, I wanted to be a tattoo artist so I was heavily influenced by Sailor Jerry’s flash. You can see that i borrowed the demon head from him.

Hail Satan.

bookmark_borderWork Shit

The pros and cons of working in adult entertainment marketing, at least for me.

Pros

+ I love my job. For someone who is a weirdo and an introvert anyway, it’s actually a good fit for me.

+ I get to create animated gifs (my favorite).

+ I get to be on the internet all day.

+ I get to learn new things in the world of internet marketing, as it’s constantly changing.

+ I’ve gotten better at writing.

I wonder, would my bio dad be proud or ashamed? I have a memory of him drawing naked ladies when I was little.

Cons

– There’s a high risk of your social media accounts getting suspended. This is what happened to me on Twitter recently. Like if you use your own phone number for work AND personal, then you will risk your phone number being blacklisted. I’ve already appealed to get my Twitter accounts back so we’ll see.

– You can’t really talk about it with anyone unless they’re in the industry themselves or they’re cool AF & open minded.

– Since I create graphics, trying to get another job is pointless as you can’t show any of your work. You would have to make up some dummy, “safe for work” designs just for your portfolio which in my experience, has been a total waste of time.

– The marketing gets repetitive; meaning, there’s only so much sexy shit you can say.

– Your marketing comes off as spammy.

– Spammers and scammers are then attracted to you.

– It’s really competitive and if you’re successful, other people will just copy exactly what you’re doing and basically steal your shit.

Remember: high risk = high rewards. No matter how much the big social media companies try to suppress adult entertainment, people are always looking for it. 

About the gif animation:

I made it in Photoshop with 4 frames. So with each frame, you tweak the lips and the chin just a little to simulate movement. Maybe I will write a tutorial on this.