bookmark_borderGoodbye Horses by Q Lazzarus

I’m posting this video because I want to save it here. I also want to talk about Chiron for some reason. What do the two have in common? Horses – being that Chiron is a centaur in Greek mythology.

More importantly (at least for me) is that in my birth chart, Chiron is in my third house in Taurus.

If the third house represents communication, it means that I have trouble talking, or speaking or saying things outloud. This is true, as I am an introvert to the core. I’m not very talkative.

Chiron represents the Wounded Healer in astrology, meaning everyone has a Chiron in their chart; everyone has a deep wound that they carry with them in this life that they have to work on healing.

I just discovered this recently which makes a whole lot of sense now, a breakthrough actually:

Copied and pasted from Tea & Rosemary’s blog regarding Chiron in Taurus:

The person with Chiron in Taurus will be afraid of losing something, whether it be safety, money, possessions, abundance, or love. The typical Chiron in Taurus will go to any lengths to avoid losing their home, their routine, the people close to them, their favorite possessions, their money, etc. Even if everything seems very permanent in their life, they will always be scared of some unexpected loss.

This resonates with me So.Damn.Much. Without going into too much detail, even though I have worked for other people most of my life I have always dreamt of being financially independent, like free from a job. I wanted to freelance; didn’t last very long. I wanted to tattoo; that didn’t happen. I wanted to have a small business; I’m barely even making it.

I can’t seem to do the things no matter how much effort I put into it. Not to say this is always true, but I try and fail A LOT it seems.

Or I just lose interest.

So yeah, that is my wound. I am afraid to not have resources and so I stay working. I’ve learned to work with this wound by accepting that I am meant to be working where I work. It is not creatively stimulating 24/7 but I am good at it; it has also given me the resources to be the provider and to live a life that is good. I’m also able to give to others freely. That is all I can ask for.

On the upside, I have found that learning astrology has been really good for me. This time though, I’m not trying to be an astrologer or be anything to anyone anymore…like that time I was trying to be a healer. Looking back I feel silly about it now tbh but for one reason or another, IT HAD to be expressed. That was the quality of that time period, where everyone and their mom wanted to be a healer including myself.

To be fair and not be so harsh on myself, my friend did pass away in Oct 2019.

Then 2020 came along and said ‘nope’! Being of service to others is not for me, not this year.

Then 2021 came and my cat had to be put to sleep.

I’m just learning for myself for once. And there is A LOT to learn and my Aquarius ascendant really likes it.

As a matter of fact, I’m learning so much by practice – interpreting people’s chart aspects on Reddit. So many people have questions and post their charts daily…

it’s almost as if getting suspended on Twitter led me to this, a blessing in disguise.

Anyways here is an old, rough drawing of a centaur, which I must’ve drawn when I had green hair. I’ve drawn centaurs a few times because me = Sagittarius.

bookmark_borderAge of Aquarius

I saw The Weeknd post this to his IG story so I had to listen to it.

At some point I even searched online as to when the Age of Aquarius actually began, as there was no definitive answer that astrologers could agree on.

But it must’ve started at the beginning of the 20th century, when technology started to advance? How did such groups such as The Fifth Dimension create this song or why was Sun Ra, Earth Wind & Fire, George Clinton and other musicians so ahead of their time? From where did they channel this information?

I’m an Aquarius Rising by the way so my consciousness is currently emotionally detached, wondering about things the collective is going through right now – like the whole meme stock revolution on Reddit.

Makes sense because last year around this time I was all about Humanity First, Universal Basic Income and Andrew Yang.

Anyways, here are the lyrics to this song:

When the moon is in the Seventh House
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars

This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius
The Age of Aquarius
Aquarius! Aquarius!

Harmony and understanding
Sympathy and trust abounding
No more falsehoods or derisions
Golden living dreams of visions
Mystic crystal revelation
And the minds true liberation

Aquarius, Aquarius
Lyrics found here

bookmark_borderMood: Altered States

This song – Kapila’s Theme by Om always takes me somewhere else. I only listen to it when I’m driving to work or in some kind of zone.

Sight to freedom rises descender.Ground to screen of the seer, the sight, and the seen.Up to obviate the sentinel and ground prevails.Fuse to seed at the flight into absalom.Orbits arm across to light the new day.Harbingers eclipse a pendant of time unseen.Solidate unto the field of a flow remember.Glows serene to attenuate the space and time.Crows the severeic rite to freedom.Shored the origin forms to a ground accede.Axiom core of the light shrine flight to shining.Glows serene to attenuate the space and time.
Lock to field screen – row the ocean onto sentient ground.New rites of a Vedic sun to attenuate the blue horizon.Prevails flight resplendent – sails the shrine effulgent windship.Stillness breathes apex supreme – reflects the new tomorrow.Lock to field screen – row the ocean onto sentient ground.New rites of a Vedic sun to attend the blue horizon.Prevails flight resplendent – sails the shrine effulgent windship.Stillness breathes apex supreme – groundates toward the mountain.
Walk onto freedom shrine deliverance.Accede to ground under blue stoned moon.
Lock to field screen – row the ocean onto sentient ground.New rites of a Vedic sun to attend the blue horizon.Prevails flight resplendent – sails the shrine effulgent windship.Stillness breathes apex supreme – I walk toward the mountain.
Crowns the sovereic rite to freedom.Shored the origin forms to a ground accede.Axiom core of the light shrine flight to shining.Glows serene to attenuate the space and time.Orbits arm across to light the new day.Harbigners eclipse a pendant of time unseen.Solidate unto the field of a flow remember.Glows serene to attenuate the space and time.

Perhaps not being on Twitter is good for me, I am less distracted and reading and writing more. I really was on there mostly for work but then work & personal kind of started crossing over to each other. I don’t know, I guess that was my fault for allowing it to happen.

For this new moon, I re-commited myself to writing for 20 minutes a day again. I was doing it earlier this year but fell off.

Current books I’m reading:

Reiki and Japan: A Cultural View of Western and Japanese Reiki
Let me just say that this book has clarified and confirmed a lot of things for me. If you’ve been reading my weird & confusing experiences with Reiki, then you’ll understand.

Way of the Ancient Healer: Sacred Teachings from the Philippine Ancestral Traditions
This one is also really good, as the author blends history, culture, spirituality, shamanism, metaphysics, psychology.

bookmark_borderA Song That Expresses the Times We Are Living In

Probably my favorite song from Mos Def that I can put on repeat. Always timeless and soothes the soul.❤️

I hope everyone who is actively protesting – whether it’s physical or digital – that you are finding time to rest and disconnect from information overload just as much. The resistance needs you for the long haul.

My favorite Instagram is The Nap Ministry where she really emphasizes “Rest as Resistance”.

I am thankful to be alive, to be a witness to such great transformation. Know that you are also here now on Earth to be a part of it.

bookmark_borderHow To: Spirit Communication

I’m just writing this based on personal experience. I’m writing this because I’ve had a couple of experiences recently that felt like spirit communication. It happened with two people that I love who have passed on from their physical bodies: my mom and my best friend, Roxy.

Spirit communication sounds scary, but it really doesn’t have to be. Remember, we are all spirits too – energy with a consciousness – it just so happens that we are still in our physical bodies.

As some of you may know, I’ve been developing my psychic abilities. And in order to become psychic, you must learn to meditate.

The book I’m reading suggests that you can meditate with music to engage psychic visions, and so that’s exactly what I did: play a particular piece of music that that person loved when they were still around.

I want to mention that on both occasions, I wasn’t expecting it to happen. But it did.

When I did it playing Moonlight Sonata, my mom came through.

When I did it playing Lana Del Rey’s ‘Young and Beautiful’, Roxy came through.

So how do I know it’s real? It was real because I was crying uncontrollably. If you have a strong emotional bond with that person, then you will know that it’s real.

Another way to know it’s real is when you can see it with your third eye, when you are able to describe details – what the person is wearing, where you are at and what is happening. It’s similar to dreaming, except you are conscious and aware.

I also want to mention that the spirit of the person may not talk to you directly, but send you a psychic message. Or they may not say anything to you at all but communicate with you visually. You might feel scared at first – since in the spiritual realm anything goes, you will see more than you anticipated, forcing you to face your own fears and old beliefs.

So before you try this on your own, make sure you are spiritually grounded and have some experience meditating; yes, you will feel strong emotions like I did (especially if the person just recently died), but be sure to remain present meaning you have to have one foot in your physical reality while you’re in the spirit realm. Say a prayer before you begin, asking for guidance & protection. This is different from a regular meditation in that you are actually seeing with your mind’s eye and interacting with the spirit.

bookmark_borderV of Cups & Roxy💔🐰💔

Today is a very hard day, especially driving to and then being at work. I wanted to post this on Instagram but couldn’t bring myself to do it…it’s still too soon. Except for people that already know, I’m not ready for other people to leave comments of condolences, so I’m doing it here where no one really reads my blog.

I found out yesterday late afternoon that one of my bestest friends, Roxy passed away unexpectedly on Sunday morning, October 20th.

My heart hurts so bad, no one can hardly believe this is even real. I was hoping it was a joke. Not only that but now I also have a sore throat and runny nose which makes everything even worse, literally making my chest hurt…I’m exhausted.

I pulled this card today: Five of Cups. Loss, disappointments in love and relationships. Sad emotions. In the photo is a sticker of one of Roxy’s old illustrations.

The tarot never lies, it always knows exactly what’s going on with you and reflects it back whether you are consciously aware of it or not. This one was completely obvious.

I can’t believe this happened and I miss her so much already. She was only 36. I keep expecting for her to react to one of my IG stories or for her to post a pic or a story. All I can do at this point is read old DMs and look at photos and videos of her painting with her bunny. I collected her art over the years too.

The last time I experienced overwhelming grief and sadness was when my mom passed in 2006.

Everytime I listen to this song by Lana Del Rey, I start crying uncontrollably…Roxy loved LDR and even saw her live.

I tuned in to her energy while the song was playing and the impression I got was – she felt really bad for putting us through this but she felt especially awful for her husband and kids. That she was sorry but also feeling scared. I understood, as her physical death was very unexpected. She was dressed in a beautiful white gown with her hair and makeup done, but she was in tears, looking at me. I was also in tears and she looked at me, unable to console me.

I’m really missing you right now, my friend ????

Roxy and I at her art show in Las Vegas, Sept 2016