bookmark_borderSocial Media Observations & Ramblings

Mostly based on my own behavior, I noticed that:

– People just aren’t paying attention as much. For me personally, my attention span dips in and out. The millions of people promoting or sharing something can be taxing and I have other things on my mind these days. Maybe it’s because I’m getting old? Idk. I was also one of those people promoting or sharing something for a hot minute…I got sick of myself.

– One of the things I learned about marketing your business is that if you want people to pay attention, then you have to post A LOT. This is how people will remember you, through repetition. It’s annoying as fuck tbh but it works. Posting a lot in my opinion though, eventually leads to burnout especially if it’s not producing some kind of return (a lead or a sale of your product). I definitely felt this with my crystal shop and that’s why I haven’t posted in some time now. Although I had a couple of loyal folks who always bought crystals from me (if you’re reading this – thank you, I love & appreciate you!), the majority of my crystal sales never came from posting on Instagram anyways.

– Posting a lot won’t necessarily bring the results you want. If anything, the majority of people just want to be entertained by what you post. They don’t always want to buy, which is why I think the shop section of IG is pointless. I’m definitely one of those people who also rejects a lot of ads (most of them are irrelevant anyway)…which is why it’s hard for me to do ads for my own business. Too critical for my own good.

– I haven’t been very successful with my own entrepreneurial endeavors; thanks to the neverending pandemic, I kinda gave up on it. I tried it, but wasn’t built for it. Did the universe spare me from struggling and putting myself in a situation I didn’t really want to be in? Probably. That or being programmed to be an employee for life has taken its toll.

– As usual, I’m bored with everything that I’m doing and I don’t know what’s next for me. A friend did a channeled card reading for me recently and also sensed my eternal state of boredom. Sigh. Anyways, here’s an excerpt from Mystic Medusa‘s Astral DNA Report aka her take on my natal chart that at least gives me some clues as to why I can’t just settle as a “personal brand”:

Neptune House X

Their public image can be mysterious: an alias, nom de plume or a brand conceals the true persona. Tenth House Neptune people are adrift in an ocean of treacherous career currents until they find or create their true vocation. Their c.v. is peppered with surreal episodes, a twilight zone of enigmatic gigs and of course, quite a few off-c.v. escapades. Whatever their official occupation, their title is really “magician” or “rainmaker.”

Enjoy this gif I made. Happy Scorpio season!

bookmark_borderFFFFOUND

One of my favorite sites that had tons of inspiring images of all sorts was ffffound and Tumblr. And weheartit, which surprisingly is still around. I guess I have to look for my login but anyways the point of this post is that I’m probably going to post all the images that I’ve snagged over the years. Right now they’re just sitting in my hard drive with no one to appreciate them so, yeah. Here’s some of them.

I also apologize in advance if only some of these are credited. If you happen to know who the original artist or source is, please let me know.

Happy new moon in Taurus. Are you buying crypto? Taurus is an earth sign ruled by Venus so this is a good time to invest or do some manifesting around your finances.

bookmark_borderWhy Do I Have SO MANY Instagrams…

I have been grappling with this question for some time now and I finally have an answer that I’m satisfied with:

I simply have a need to express different aspects of myself.

So there. That is the answer.

There is no point in fighting myself about it.

Or feeling bad that I can’t be consistent with any of them.

Anyway, here is a digital doodle of some pentacle flowers as I’ve got investments, money and visions of a future where we can all thrive on my mind. More than ever since we are now in the Age of Aquarius. The self and the collective are intertwined.

I also wanted to share this: if you’re feeling confused about your life and all your impulses – why you do the things you do, what motivates you, why you constantly contradict yourself, etcetera; I highly suggest looking at your astrological birth chart or getting a natal chart report. Astrology has answered so many questions for me, personally.

Also, if you’re in the giving mood please take a look at this awesome Instagram called Transanta.

bookmark_borderFire in Her Eyes

Everyone’s waiting for me to start painting again…

including me.

It’s bullshit to wait til you’re inspired because when that actually happens

you’re either at work or on the computer or on your phone or washing dishes or feeding the cat or doing laundry or shredding years of paper bills.

I have no one to blame but myself for my lack of artistic pursuits lately.

But then again we’re in a fucking pandemic.

I don’t want to paint roses, women, etc…been there, done that.

So I wait and wait and wait…

bookmark_borderShe Waits For Me in the Ether

She waits for me in the ether

Where space and time never existed

It’s peaceful, serene but lonely…even though my mother and her father keep her company

She misses her family and best friends on the earth plane

She misses her beautiful human form

She always wanted to be a sad girl

And now her wish came true

For everyone can see her

But no one can hear her no more


It’s been one year since my friend Roxy passed. I wish I had taken the day off.????

I did see a sign from her today; on my way home from work a white car in front of me had the letters “RBM” on their license plate.

bookmark_borderOnly Fans Update – 9/17/20

My Only Fans isn’t poppin and here’s why:

  • I’m not fucking popular.
  • I’m not showing any nudes.
  • I’m not promoting enough.

Become or do the opposite of the 3 I just mentioned above and I’m 100% sure your Only Fans will be POPPIN. (Don’t know why I picked “poppin” – it seemed the most appropriate word).

My reason for this is that I simply would rather be low key about it. If I start promoting heavy like everyone else then I will for sure attract creeps and rudeass subscribers who will demand shit from me and I really don’t want that.

Most people are lured by money but can’t see that there’s a price to pay for it. I would rather have my peace & privacy (whatever that actually means). I don’t think I can handle the fame, rude comments and lack of privacy. I can see that some of these girls are already suffering from it.

So I’m taking it slow and not forcing myself to do anything I don’t feel comfortable doing.

If you do go on Only Fans, or any of these platforms (there are more now that are springing up btw with better payouts) – be sure that you’re not doing it for the money. Otherwise you’ll be disappointed.

Do it because you like making content and that it’s a creative outlet for you.

Based on my observations so far, the ones who are making bank from Only Fans have a huge following on Twitter, Instagram or YouTube. And they’re young and attractive. And they’re showing nudes.

I’ve only found someone on Only Fans close to my age; she’s a few years older than me and is successful and that would be Sinnamon Love and Tera Patrick. The only difference is that they’re retired porn stars with huge followings and I’m just a nobody.

To be continued…

Here’s a trippy animated gif that I made – I drew the triangles in Photoshop with my Wacom tablet, animated them and added some light in the middle. I wish I could remember how I actually did it though.

bookmark_borderMood: Altered States

This song – Kapila’s Theme by Om always takes me somewhere else. I only listen to it when I’m driving to work or in some kind of zone.

Sight to freedom rises descender.Ground to screen of the seer, the sight, and the seen.Up to obviate the sentinel and ground prevails.Fuse to seed at the flight into absalom.Orbits arm across to light the new day.Harbingers eclipse a pendant of time unseen.Solidate unto the field of a flow remember.Glows serene to attenuate the space and time.Crows the severeic rite to freedom.Shored the origin forms to a ground accede.Axiom core of the light shrine flight to shining.Glows serene to attenuate the space and time.
Lock to field screen – row the ocean onto sentient ground.New rites of a Vedic sun to attenuate the blue horizon.Prevails flight resplendent – sails the shrine effulgent windship.Stillness breathes apex supreme – reflects the new tomorrow.Lock to field screen – row the ocean onto sentient ground.New rites of a Vedic sun to attend the blue horizon.Prevails flight resplendent – sails the shrine effulgent windship.Stillness breathes apex supreme – groundates toward the mountain.
Walk onto freedom shrine deliverance.Accede to ground under blue stoned moon.
Lock to field screen – row the ocean onto sentient ground.New rites of a Vedic sun to attend the blue horizon.Prevails flight resplendent – sails the shrine effulgent windship.Stillness breathes apex supreme – I walk toward the mountain.
Crowns the sovereic rite to freedom.Shored the origin forms to a ground accede.Axiom core of the light shrine flight to shining.Glows serene to attenuate the space and time.Orbits arm across to light the new day.Harbigners eclipse a pendant of time unseen.Solidate unto the field of a flow remember.Glows serene to attenuate the space and time.

Perhaps not being on Twitter is good for me, I am less distracted and reading and writing more. I really was on there mostly for work but then work & personal kind of started crossing over to each other. I don’t know, I guess that was my fault for allowing it to happen.

For this new moon, I re-commited myself to writing for 20 minutes a day again. I was doing it earlier this year but fell off.

Current books I’m reading:

Reiki and Japan: A Cultural View of Western and Japanese Reiki
Let me just say that this book has clarified and confirmed a lot of things for me. If you’ve been reading my weird & confusing experiences with Reiki, then you’ll understand.

Way of the Ancient Healer: Sacred Teachings from the Philippine Ancestral Traditions
This one is also really good, as the author blends history, culture, spirituality, shamanism, metaphysics, psychology.

bookmark_borderSHERM Gotchic Lettering – 2010

I don’t really give myself enough credit sometimes. Well I can finally look back on my work 10 years later and say that it was actually pretty good, like this SHERM drawing.

I really don’t miss painting graffiti all that much but I do miss how I can get very detailed with my letters.

bookmark_borderWhy is Instagram…

so fucking addicting? I hate it and want to wean myself off of it. It’s not like I have a lot of friends to keep up with nor do I get a bunch of likes on my posts. It’s the scrolling part – addicted to seeing photos and addicted to information, I guess? I don’t know. As a creative person, I’m definitely stimulated by words and images.

I know I can do better things with my time…and yet I don’t.

I only draw or get creative when I know I have a deadline.

Otherwise, I’d much rather be doing absolutely nothing, or scrolling. Ugh.

I’m also aware that it’s Mercury Rx and I really should just chill the fuck out and be easy on myself. Why do I beat myself up for not being creative enough?

Roxy’s birthday is August 2, it is still unreal to me that she is gone. The few months since her passing was the strongest connection I had to her. I miss her so much, social media & the internet isn’t quite the same without her.

Smile now, cry later.

Fuck the world.

bookmark_borderV of Cups & RoxyπŸ’”πŸ°πŸ’”

Today is a very hard day, especially driving to and then being at work. I wanted to post this on Instagram but couldn’t bring myself to do it…it’s still too soon. Except for people that already know, I’m not ready for other people to leave comments of condolences, so I’m doing it here where no one really reads my blog.

I found out yesterday late afternoon that one of my bestest friends, Roxy passed away unexpectedly on Sunday morning, October 20th.

My heart hurts so bad, no one can hardly believe this is even real. I was hoping it was a joke. Not only that but now I also have a sore throat and runny nose which makes everything even worse, literally making my chest hurt…I’m exhausted.

I pulled this card today: Five of Cups. Loss, disappointments in love and relationships. Sad emotions. In the photo is a sticker of one of Roxy’s old illustrations.

The tarot never lies, it always knows exactly what’s going on with you and reflects it back whether you are consciously aware of it or not. This one was completely obvious.

I can’t believe this happened and I miss her so much already. She was only 36. I keep expecting for her to react to one of my IG stories or for her to post a pic or a story. All I can do at this point is read old DMs and look at photos and videos of her painting with her bunny. I collected her art over the years too.

The last time I experienced overwhelming grief and sadness was when my mom passed in 2006.

Everytime I listen to this song by Lana Del Rey, I start crying uncontrollably…Roxy loved LDR and even saw her live.

I tuned in to her energy while the song was playing and the impression I got was – she felt really bad for putting us through this but she felt especially awful for her husband and kids. That she was sorry but also feeling scared. I understood, as her physical death was very unexpected. She was dressed in a beautiful white gown with her hair and makeup done, but she was in tears, looking at me. I was also in tears and she looked at me, unable to console me.

I’m really missing you right now, my friend ????

Roxy and I at her art show in Las Vegas, Sept 2016