Wed 10/28/26 – Scorpio season has me in a more negative, brooding mood…I don’t like it. I want to be delulu for once but those days are over…10 of Swords vibe. Having so much knowledge can become a burden.
+ On some more exciting thoughts (at least to me) – the real flex in Astrology is synastry – how your birthchart interacts with someone else’s birthchart. It’s really fascinating to me how a person can influence someone else and vice versa.
+ Oh and just a friendly reminder, if you’re not being authentic with me – mind, body, soul – I have no problem blocking you over and over again. You think you’re clever, but you’re not. You want to take and take but can only give a false image of yourself. You’re not going to get what you want from me or anyone you want to get close to if you’re not being authentic. Just saying.
Like, how can you expect people to be real with you if you can’t be real with them; it goes both ways, remember? You’re the one who told me that.
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Sun 10/25/26 – A lesson is repeated until it is learned. I guess I haven’t learned my lesson and fell for it again. That’s why The Devil tarot card keeps showing up, isn’t it? Venus in Scorpio retrograde. It felt good in that moment, but afterwards…you felt used yet again didn’t you…and they still wanted more. The person kept on demanding for more, but couldn’t give anything in return as usual (Saturn in Cancer in the 8th house – they won’t show me their body or voice even though I gave them so many videos of myself) – just their Plutonic power of “take as much as I can get out of her and control”. Sigh, I really am the stupid one.
I want to tell myself never again but every time I say that, The Wheel of Fortune spins me right back into the karmic wheel.
I know I’m just a kink dispenser to this person and nothing more. I want to get away from them as far as possible, but they’re everywhere online now. Always watching me. I can’t escape. And I know they’re going to read this. And I know they’re going to contact me again in one form or another.
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Tue 9/29/26 – Today I allowed myself to enjoy my most secret pleasure. Even now as I type this I feel completely detached, elated and content that my latest interaction with this person felt so intense yet so balanced – I gave to him and he gave to me. It feels like our mutual attraction to each other got elevated; I got mindfucked with physical results, it was really amazing.
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Sun 9/27/26 – Disclaimer: this may or may not be true but for me it is. They say that in a karmic connection in astrology, there is a deeper reason why a person continues to chase someone beyond just attraction & connection. Perhaps a debt is owed to that person in a past life, where someone died before they could be together. And so that person who died finds that person that they loved in this current life and now has an unexplainable need to have closure with that person they never got to be with. The closest movie that kind of shows this is Bram Stoker’s Dracula – right on time for Venus in Scorpio retrograde; it’s quite erotic.
The debt is paid on my part, it took 3 plus years to pay it off. In case you’re wondering if you owe me anything, you don’t. We are both free now, so let me go and live your life ok? I’ll always love you weirdo but the astrology says we can never be together.
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8/22/26 – When a person you care about consistently disappoints you, eventually you lose your attraction to them. This time, I really hope it’s for good. Thank you for showing me again your true self – the person who only uses people to get what they want then turns around and insults them. I wish you well in life, I really do. Just get your toxic, lame, ugly energy far, far away from me.
A person who tricks you into taking them back to extract the sexual energy that made them feel good then turns around and insults you is an addict and a demon. They don’t love you, they just want to use you. Protect yourself from these energy vampires.
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July 8, 2015
Drawing from 2013.