11/6/2024: A year later. Still learning and honing my skills in this niche. Saturn Square Natal Sun, Saturn Trine Natal Uranus, and Pluto Square Natal Chiron though. Heavy!
Making content of myself has been fun. Here’s a gif from a female domination clip I made. If you are interested in subscribing to my OnlyFans, email me: xsavethesavagesx@gmail.com and I’ll share the link with you.
I’m a very private person and don’t really care to have a lot of “fans” that will annoy me and waste my fucking time, you know? I have a life and only do this just for fun. Be prepared to have money to play because I’m expensive.
I’m posting this video because I want to save it here. I also want to talk about Chiron for some reason. What do the two have in common? Horses – being that Chiron is a centaur in Greek mythology.
More importantly (at least for me) is that in my birth chart, Chiron is in my third house in Taurus.
If the third house represents communication, it means that I have trouble talking, or speaking or saying things outloud. This is true, as I am an introvert to the core. I’m not very talkative.
Chiron represents the Wounded Healer in astrology, meaning everyone has a Chiron in their chart; everyone has a deep wound that they carry with them in this life that they have to work on healing.
I just discovered this recently which makes a whole lot of sense now, a breakthrough actually:
The person with Chiron in Taurus will be afraid of losing something, whether it be safety, money, possessions, abundance, or love. The typical Chiron in Taurus will go to any lengths to avoid losing their home, their routine, the people close to them, their favorite possessions, their money, etc. Even if everything seems very permanent in their life, they will always be scared of some unexpected loss.
This resonates with me So.Damn.Much. Without going into too much detail, even though I have worked for other people most of my life I have always dreamt of being financially independent, like free from a job. I wanted to freelance; didn’t last very long. I wanted to tattoo; that didn’t happen. I wanted to have a small business; I’m barely even making it.
I can’t seem to do the things no matter how much effort I put into it. Not to say this is always true, but I try and fail A LOT it seems.
Or I just lose interest.
So yeah, that is my wound. I am afraid to not have resources and so I stay working. I’ve learned to work with this wound by accepting that I am meant to be working where I work. It is not creatively stimulating 24/7 but I am good at it; it has also given me the resources to be the provider and to live a life that is good. I’m also able to give to others freely. That is all I can ask for.
On the upside, I have found that learning astrology has been really good for me. This time though, I’m not trying to be an astrologer or be anything to anyone anymore…like that time I was trying to be a healer. Looking back I feel silly about it now tbh but for one reason or another, IT HAD to be expressed. That was the quality of that time period, where everyone and their mom wanted to be a healer including myself.
To be fair and not be so harsh on myself, my friend did pass away in Oct 2019.
Then 2020 came along and said ‘nope’! Being of service to others is not for me, not this year.
Then 2021 came and my cat had to be put to sleep.
I’m just learning for myself for once. And there is A LOT to learn and my Aquarius ascendant really likes it.
As a matter of fact, I’m learning so much by practice – interpreting people’s chart aspects on Reddit. So many people have questions and post their charts daily…
it’s almost as if getting suspended on Twitter led me to this, a blessing in disguise.
Anyways here is an old, rough drawing of a centaur, which I must’ve drawn when I had green hair. I’ve drawn centaurs a few times because me = Sagittarius.
I am totally aware of this. Right now I’m feeling an old habit creeping up on me, the feeling of boredom. I don’t want to be bored, yet I am. Perhaps the gloomy weather is causing me to feel this way, perhaps it’s my job.
Regardless I am thankful for my job, I am thankful for my life. I’m thankful that I was able to manifest an online business selling crystals; I don’t even know how it happened – being a seller was never really on my radar but marketing and building websites were, so there. It helps that I really like crystals too.
But I get bored still from time to time…I think everybody does.
You don’t have to fight it, but you can’t let it take over completely. So I am writing this to my future self as a reminder:
+ If you get bored, remember to just simply change it up! Do something a different way or make it a point to learn something new every day.
+ Read, read, read. Doodle, scribble, draw. Write with a pen, handwriting is still important.
+ Snap out of it, snap out of feeling sorry for yourself. Other people are really suffering and here you are complaining about being bored. SMH. Exercise, go outside, take a walk, breathe and be in gratitude for fuck sake. You really have a lot to be thankful for.
I am all too aware that I am also creeping my way into getting old, I can see the subtleties on my face. I’m caring less and less about a lot of things but I also don’t want to be forgetful. And I don’t want to be helpless. That’s why they say reading, writing and problem solving or playing memory games is important.
I’ve also been thinking about my finances a lot more, like 401ks and life insurance. I don’t have children so that made it a little easier, but I still have to think about retirement and my loved ones. Had I payed closer attention to this stuff when I was younger, I would be all set for retirement! I would be rich by this world’s standards. But if I DID amass that huge amount, then Uncle Sam would be taxing me for it, wouldn’t he? He sure would! So really, which choice is better; and are you really rich if all that you saved up for goes to paying down debt?
Whatever choice I picked is fine for me, I am successful either way. No matter what choice we make in life, Spirit will always look out for your best interest. You can always look back on your life and see how everything actually worked out for you.
I wanted to draw something for this post but I got stuck. So here’s an old drawing that I decided would look better in hot pink and as an animated gif.
It’s challenging to want to know everything and be everything…
I literally want to learn how to do A LOT of things. Where does one draw the line?
I also want to just do nothing, really. Have I lost my sense of identity? Probably. I have always thought that art would be my path. It is, just not in the way I imagined. It is still one of many possibilities, and I’m still holding on to the fantasy that I will create in that capacity again.
But let’s face it, as grownups it’s not exactly easy to make “art for art’s sake” – most things adults do has a purpose. But if it’s important to you, you will find the time.
I want to get better at business and marketing because I know it will benefit my little business…
But I also just want to let it unfold without me forcing it to be a certain way.
Everything has to be balanced, we all have to wait our turn. There’s a lot of everything right now, so much so that it’s saturated. It’s great that everyone is pursuing their dream, but not so great when the market is flooded. Everybody is selling, everybody is hustling. I’m right there with all those people, but I’ve also learned to be still and have patience.
I read this proverb from a little booklet (Learn Spanish – another thing that I really want to learn) and it has a beautiful, religious but also borderline occult undertone to it:
EN LA TIERRA DE LOS CIEGOS EL TUERTO ES REY
In the kingdom of the blind the one eyed is king.
Here’s my drawing for today which somehow evolved into a animated gif that I don’t mind at all; I hope to redraw it and post a better version. I’m pretty sure I’ve drawn VII of Cups before, digitally.
I was going to end the post here but another thought entered my mind: I think that’s why I like the Tarot and continue to work with it – it is everything. But when you see the bigger picture it is also a mandala, a wheel. And at any given moment, the wheel turns and we can be anything we want.
