Image description: photo of Ozzy Osbourne with subtitles “What the fuck am I talking about.” I’m guessing it’s from The Osbournes.
+ I love my job. For someone who is a weirdo and an introvert anyway, it’s actually a good fit for me.
+ I get to create animated gifs (my favorite).
+ I get to be on the internet all day.
+ I get to learn new things in the world of internet marketing, as it’s constantly changing.
+ I’ve gotten better at writing.
I wonder, would my bio dad be proud or ashamed? I have a memory of him drawing naked ladies when I was little.
– There’s a high risk of your social media accounts getting suspended. This is what happened to me on Twitter recently. Like if you use your own phone number for work AND personal, then you will risk your phone number being blacklisted. I’ve already appealed to get my Twitter accounts back so we’ll see.
– You can’t really talk about it with anyone unless they’re in the industry themselves or they’re cool AF & open minded.
– Since I create graphics, trying to get another job is pointless as you can’t show any of your work. You would have to make up some dummy, “safe for work” designs just for your portfolio which in my experience, has been a total waste of time.
– The marketing gets repetitive; meaning, there’s only so much sexy shit you can say.
– Your marketing comes off as spammy.
– Spammers and scammers are then attracted to you.
– It’s really competitive and if you’re successful, other people will just copy exactly what you’re doing and basically steal your shit.
Remember: high risk = high rewards. No matter how much the big social media companies try to suppress adult entertainment, people are always looking for it.
I made it in Photoshop with 4 frames. So with each frame, you tweak the lips and the chin just a little to simulate movement. Maybe I will write a tutorial on this.
so fucking addicting? I hate it and want to wean myself off of it. It’s not like I have a lot of friends to keep up with nor do I get a bunch of likes on my posts. It’s the scrolling part – addicted to seeing photos and addicted to information, I guess? I don’t know. As a creative person, I’m definitely stimulated by images.
I know I can do better things with my time…and yet I don’t.
I only draw or get creative when I know I have a deadline.
Otherwise, I’d much rather be doing absolutely nothing, or scrolling. Ugh.
I’m also aware that it’s Mercury Rx and I really should just chill the fuck out and be easy on myself. Why do I beat myself up for not being creative enough?
Roxy’s birthday is August 3, it is still unreal to me that she is gone. The few months since her passing was the strongest connection I had to her. I miss her so much, social media & the internet isn’t quite the same without her.
Smile now, cry later.
Fuck the world.
I really have tried, but I don’t have the energy that other people have to post consistently on social media.
As a mutable fire sign, I notice that I can definitely get it started but to continue it for the long run? Nope.
I am accepting it and not trashing my own abilities to stay relevant. I just don’t care that much either way.
What’s even crazier is that I looked into my Sidereal astrological sign recently and it turns out that…
I’m actually a Scorpio, and I can kinda see that; Scorpios are secretive and mysterious.
Here’s a photo of some candles I purchased recently from Mētztli at Revolutionary Mystic. I especially love the art on each label. Of course as soon as I lit the Solve et Coagula candle, I was immediately guided to revisit Transcendental Magic by Eliphas Levi; a book that normally puts me to sleep due to its arcane language…
oddly enough I couldn’t put the book down, and I understood a lot of it this time around.
Is there a devil? What is the devil? As to the first point, science is silent, philosophy denies it at hazard, religion only answers in the affirmative. As to the second point, religion states that the devil is the fallen angel; occult philosophy accepts and explains this definition.
I am writing this down as quick as I can because it feels like I’ve received a download from above that’s worth sharing.
Martyr, sacrifice, reincarnation, karma, ancestors, trauma, healing, justice, integration, shadow work are the words I keep receiving in my mind.
Are things worse off than they were before?
Even though it seems fucking horrible (and it always seems fucking horrible), I’m going to say NO.
Black, indigenous, people of color are rising up continuously – becoming more empowered each time one of their own dies from injustices such as racism or police brutality. Though it is exhausting as fuck to have to go through this over and over again, it empowers them and many others to fight back, using the technology that we now have.
Taking pictures and documenting the whole experience with video, boosting it on social media.
The internet is a gift.
I don’t know how to articulate this exactly, but those who have died from police brutality, racism, abuse, etc…
had a mission to do exactly that.
It may seem extreme and violent, even unfair – because it is – but again: violence, death and rebirth is our heritage.
The big bang was a violent, cosmic event. So was the birth and destruction of stars and planets. Even human and mammal birth is violent – it’s literally stretching the opening to its limits so one could be born. Then you’re covered in blood and plasma.
That also doesn’t mean we just sit back and allow fate to happen – as we have free will – to fight back and follow what our inner guide/daemon/spirit/higher consciousness calls us to do.
So that the masses can continue to wake up, including their own people; so that we can continue to heal, becoming more aware and conscious with each iteration, each death.
It was not all for nothing.
Nobody dies for nothing.
Understand that we are all witnesses to this, witnesses to the United States of America facing its own shadow…over and over again.
On a microcosm level – I understand to a point now, why I’m here in California in the US. It is my home, it’s where I belong.
Even though I was born in the Philippines, I have never felt at home there. I feel at home here.
Why? Because I am American, just as much as I am Filipino. My mom brought me here in 1984. I wouldn’t have met the friends I love so much if I wasn’t here. I wouldn’t have met the person I married if I wasn’t here.
I would be living a life in the Philippines probably, but not as the same exact person that I am now. Probably living a whole different existence, probably unaware and just living a regular life.
There’s nothing wrong with any of that. But that is not what my soul wanted for me, obviously.
Believe it or not, I am grateful to be here right now – amidst the violence and chaos. I feel connected to all people, perhaps the internet is making that possible. I am witnessing the light and dark forces at work.
I love and hate the United States of America.
I feel the sadness, anger, hate, frustration, grief while simultaneously feeling peace, love, gratitude and an expanded awareness of it all.
We are one existing separately, living that paradoxical life for all eternity.
I now know what it is…for now at least. I’ve been sitting on this for about 2 months now, just to make sure it was still true.
I have this job, this resource so that not only can I support me and my family, I can also give back to my spiritual community – whether it’s supporting them through donations, signing up for their classes, or just supporting their small business in general.
For so long it seems I was never satisfied with where I was. I wanted so bad to quit my job and create my own shit – I’m actually still doing that but I’ve learned that it’s a much longer process. It takes time and money and so I must be patient and have perseverance while I continue to build it.
What I realized now after spending all this time ‘doing the work’ is that – I am where I’m supposed to be.
Once I stopped struggling – complaining & fighting myself internally – and accepted where I am, everything fell into place.
I feel at peace with the work I do now, you can even say that I’ve mastered it. I know when I get my paycheck I can pay all my bills and still have enough to support others as well.
I’m currently reading “Existential Kink” by Carolyn Elliott. Though I am already familiar with a lot of the stuff she talks about in her book, I feel like there are some things I’ve missed or wasn’t fully aware of (like the unconscious) and could work on.
A magician must always seek to improve and perfect their craft.
Animated GIF by me. It took a lot of frames to move the rainbow.
I’ve been wondering why I have no energy for anything lately. And it just occurred to me that I am still heartbroken over the death of my best friend Roxy and it’s showing up energetically:
+ I don’t want to interact with people as much or have basic conversations with them.
+ I have no energy for a lot of things. Even trying to make money on the side is exhausting as it mostly requires me having to spend money to make money.
+ I go home after work and eat dinner with my husband, pet my cat and watch a little tv, then go on the internet, read and do some yoga until it’s time for bed.
+ Apparently, I’ve been looking to fill that void. Like out of nowhere I got into politics for a whole month because Andrew Yang really inspired me and got me engaged in that realm, but then he suspended his campaign. Thankfully he announced on The View today that he is starting up a non-profit where his ideas will actually be implemented, like Universal Basic Income.
+ I look at Roxy’s artwork – I have a few of her art actually but the one that I look at the most is this print of a ghost animal with a teardrop leaving its physical body buried close to a tree. I’m still somewhat floored that I was able to communicate with her around Samhain. I’ve not communicated with her like that ever since.
I haven’t written anything here for a bit and so I’m just airing out how I’ve been feeling this year.
By the way, this site might be going away soon. I can’t keep up with the payments. I’m trying to be frugal and cut out whatever I don’t need. We’ll see.
Just a video of my cat, Tabby. That’s all.????
She’s the first cat I’ve ever had. Adopted her in late 2014. I was going for a black cat but this one literally conned us into taking her instead – jumped onto the table immediately to greet us even though the house was full of cats; just full on put her charm on James while I was trying to get the black cat to come to me but he wouldn’t, so Tabby picked us instead. She even jumped into the carrier when it was time to go like she really just wanted to get tf out of there. Needless to say 6 years later she is still with us. She’s going to be 12 years old on May 2020.
I deleted her Instagram account because I hardly ever used it. I’ve also deleted my @savethesavages IG. But then again, Instagram only lets you ‘disable’ it.
So far this year, I’ve been detaching myself from people and social media. It’s been 4 months since Roxy passed and I’m still not feeling 100% well – meaning I’m just existing in a mostly neutral state. Some days I’m at 25% and other days I’m at 75%. I also don’t have the same drive and motivation I had for Metaphysical Vibes but I’m not going to delete it either. I’ve been working more on Crystal Healer LA – I feel that people need energy work more than they need crystals.
If you’re looking for me on Instagram, I’m over @metaphysical_vibes
I posted this sketch to my @crystalhealerla account on Instagram, but I really like how it turned out so I’m sharing it here as well.
I’m thankful that I have 2 sketchbooks to fill for The Sketchbook Project – it gives me something to do and gets the creative current flowing. On top of this, I’ve been attempting to write for 20 minutes a day uninterrupted – during work days I can only get in less than 10 minutes. It’s better than nothing.
As usual, I have no direction with my career goals. For practical reasons, I think I should just choose the Web Development route because I wouldn’t need to upgrade my computer. If I choose motion graphics / video editing, then I would have to get a newer iMac. And right now, I’m starting to hate being a jack-of-all-trades, only knowing a little bit of everything. I shouldn’t feel stuck, but I am. I’m also trying to pay down my debt first, then have an emergency fund, then invest. Trying to keep my creativity a top priority while adulting can be a fucking challenge…there’s always something to do or something to think about.
I’ve been minding my business a lot on the internet, not scrolling as much on IG. In my own world mostly, forever scheming on how I can create financial freedom even while I work. Again, it goes back to paying down debt, then saving, then investing.
I am missing my friend, Roxy. I know she would’ve banged out some rad sketches for The Sketchbook Project. She would’ve also been excited and cheering me on when I’d post my sketches on IG. Sigh????
