Personal | - Part 5

Mood: Altered States

Posted on August 21, 2020 by savethesavages

This song – Kapila’s Theme by Om always takes me somewhere else. I only listen to it when I’m driving to work.

Sight to freedom rises descender.
Ground to screen of the seer, the sight, and the seen.
Up to obviate the sentinel and ground prevails.
Fuse to seed at the flight into absalom.

Perhaps not being on Twitter is good for me, I am less distracted and reading and writing more. I really was on there mostly for work but then work & personal kind of started crossing over to each other. I don’t know, I guess that was my fault for allowing it to happen.

For this new moon, I re-commited myself to writing for 20 minutes a day again. I was doing it earlier this year but fell off.

Current books I’m reading:

Reiki and Japan: A Cultural View of Western and Japanese Reiki
Let me just say that this book has clarified and confirmed a lot of things for me. If you’ve been reading my weird & confusing experiences with Reiki, then you’ll understand.

Way of the Ancient Healer: Sacred Teachings from the Philippine Ancestral Traditions
This one is also really good, as the author blends history, culture, spirituality, shamanism, metaphysics, psychology.

Meme Dump #5

Posted on August 16, 2020August 18, 2021 by savethesavages

Hearing myself talk outloud about the occult, magic, metaphysics, witchcraft and astrology:

What the fuck am I talking about.

Image description: photo of Ozzy Osbourne with subtitles “What the fuck am I talking about.” I’m guessing it’s from The Osbournes.

Work Shit

Posted on August 12, 2020November 18, 2023 by savethesavages

The pros and cons of working in adult entertainment marketing, at least for me.

Pros

+ I love my job. For someone who is a weirdo and an introvert anyway, it’s actually a good fit for me.

+ I get to create animated gifs (my favorite).

+ I get to be on the internet all day.

+ I get to learn new things in the world of internet marketing, as it’s constantly changing.

+ I’ve gotten better at writing.

I wonder, would my bio dad be proud or ashamed? I have a memory of him drawing naked ladies when I was little.

Cons

– There’s a high risk of your social media accounts getting suspended. This is what happened to me on Twitter recently. Like if you use your own phone number for work AND personal, then you will risk your phone number being blacklisted. I’ve already appealed to get my Twitter accounts back so we’ll see.

– You can’t really talk about it with anyone unless they’re in the industry themselves or they’re cool AF & open minded.

– Since I create graphics, trying to get another job is pointless as you can’t show any of your work. You would have to make up some dummy, “safe for work” designs just for your portfolio which in my experience, has been a total waste of time.

– The marketing gets repetitive; meaning, there’s only so much sexy shit you can say.

– Your marketing comes off as spammy.

– Spammers and scammers are then attracted to you.

– It’s really competitive and if you’re successful, other people will just copy exactly what you’re doing and basically steal your shit.

Remember: high risk = high rewards. No matter how much the big social media companies try to suppress adult entertainment, people are always looking for it.

About the gif animation:

I made it in Photoshop with 4 frames. So with each frame, you tweak the lips and the chin just a little to simulate movement. Maybe I will write a tutorial on this.

Why is Instagram…

Posted on July 6, 2020December 11, 2022 by savethesavages

so fucking addicting? I hate it and want to wean myself off of it. It’s not like I have a lot of friends to keep up with nor do I get a bunch of likes on my posts. It’s the scrolling part – addicted to seeing photos and addicted to information, I guess? I don’t know. As a creative person, I’m definitely stimulated by images.

I know I can do better things with my time…and yet I don’t.

I only draw or get creative when I know I have a deadline.

Otherwise, I’d much rather be doing absolutely nothing, or scrolling. Ugh.

I’m also aware that it’s Mercury Rx and I really should just chill the fuck out and be easy on myself. Why do I beat myself up for not being creative enough?

Roxy’s birthday is August 3, it is still unreal to me that she is gone. The few months since her passing was the strongest connection I had to her. I miss her so much, social media & the internet isn’t quite the same without her.

Smile now, cry later.

Fuck the world.

Sanctum Regnum 2020

Posted on June 24, 2020December 11, 2022 by savethesavages

I really have tried, but I don’t have the energy that other people have to post consistently on social media.

As a mutable fire sign, I notice that I can definitely get it started but to continue it for the long run? Nope.

I am accepting it and not trashing my own abilities to stay relevant. I just don’t care that much either way.

What’s even crazier is that I looked into my Sidereal astrological sign recently and it turns out that…

I’m actually a Scorpio, and I can kinda see that; Scorpios are secretive and mysterious.

Here’s a photo of some candles I purchased recently from Mētztli at Revolutionary Mystic. I especially love the art on each label. Of course as soon as I lit the Solve et Coagula candle, I was immediately guided to revisit Transcendental Magic by Eliphas Levi; a book that normally puts me to sleep due to its arcane language…

oddly enough I couldn’t put the book down, and I understood a lot of it this time around.

Is there a devil? What is the devil? As to the first point, science is silent, philosophy denies it at hazard, religion only answers in the affirmative. As to the second point, religion states that the devil is the fallen angel; occult philosophy accepts and explains this definition.

Current Events from a Spiritual Perspective

Posted on May 29, 2020July 18, 2022 by savethesavages

I am writing this down as quick as I can because it feels like I’ve received a download from above that’s worth sharing.

Martyr, sacrifice, reincarnation, karma, ancestors, trauma, healing, justice, integration, shadow work are the words I keep receiving in my mind.

Are things worse off than they were before?

Even though it seems fucking horrible (and it always seems fucking horrible), I’m going to say NO.

Black, indigenous, people of color are rising up continuously – becoming more empowered each time one of their own dies from injustices such as racism or police brutality. Though it is exhausting as fuck to have to go through this over and over again, it empowers them and many others to fight back, using the technology that we now have.

Taking pictures and documenting the whole experience with video, boosting it on social media.

The internet is a gift.

I don’t know how to articulate this exactly, but those who have died from police brutality, racism, abuse, etc…

had a mission to do exactly that.

It may seem extreme and violent, even unfair – because it is – but again: violence, death and rebirth is our heritage.

The big bang was a violent, cosmic event. So was the birth and destruction of stars and planets. Even human and mammal birth is violent – it’s literally stretching the opening to its limits so one could be born. Then you’re covered in blood and plasma.

That also doesn’t mean we just sit back and allow fate to happen – as we have free will – to fight back and follow what our inner guide/daemon/spirit/higher consciousness calls us to do.

As above, so below.

So that the masses can continue to wake up, including their own people; so that we can continue to heal, becoming more aware and conscious with each iteration, each death.

It was not all for nothing.

Nobody dies for nothing.

Understand that we are all witnesses to this, witnesses to the United States of America facing its own shadow…over and over again.

On a microcosm level – I understand to a point now, why I’m here in California in the US. It is my home, it’s where I belong.

Even though I was born in the Philippines, I have never felt at home there. I feel at home here.

Why? Because I am American, just as much as I am Filipino. My mom brought me here in 1984. I wouldn’t have met the friends I love so much if I wasn’t here. I wouldn’t have met the person I married if I wasn’t here.

I would be living a life in the Philippines probably, but not as the same exact person that I am now. Probably living a whole different existence, probably unaware and just living a regular life.

There’s nothing wrong with any of that. But that is not what my soul wanted for me, obviously.

Believe it or not, I am grateful to be here right now – amidst the violence and chaos. I feel connected to all people, perhaps the internet is making that possible. I am witnessing the light and dark forces at work.

I love and hate the United States of America.

I feel the sadness, anger, hate, frustration, grief while simultaneously feeling peace, love, gratitude and an expanded awareness of it all.

We are one existing separately, living that paradoxical life for all eternity.

Just Figured Out My Purpose

Posted on May 26, 2020August 21, 2022 by savethesavages

I now know what it is…for now at least. I’ve been sitting on this for about 2 months now, just to make sure it was still true.

I have this job, this resource so that not only can I support me and my family, I can also give back to my spiritual community – whether it’s supporting them through donations, signing up for their classes, or just supporting their small business in general.

For so long it seems I was never satisfied with where I was. I wanted so bad to quit my job and create my own shit – I’m actually still doing that but I’ve learned that it’s a much longer process. It takes time and money and so I must be patient and have perseverance while I continue to build it.

What I realized now after spending all this time ‘doing the work’ is that – I am where I’m supposed to be.

I am where I’m supposed to be.

Let that sink in.

Once I stopped struggling – complaining & fighting myself internally – and accepted where I am, everything fell into place.

I feel at peace with the work I do now, you can even say that I’ve mastered it. I know when I get my paycheck I can pay all my bills and still have enough to support others as well.

I’m currently reading “Existential Kink” by Carolyn Elliott. Though I am already familiar with a lot of the stuff she talks about in her book, I feel like there are some things I’ve missed or wasn’t fully aware of (like the unconscious) and could work on.

A magician must always seek to improve and perfect their craft.

Happy Face Rainbow Pyramid

Posted on May 5, 2020August 8, 2021 by savethesavages

Animated GIF by me. It took a lot of frames to move the rainbow.

What Does Low Key Grief Feel Like?

Posted on March 5, 2020October 24, 2020 by savethesavages

I’ve been wondering why I have no energy for anything lately. And it just occurred to me that I am still heartbroken over the death of my best friend Roxy and it’s showing up energetically:

+ I don’t want to interact with people as much or have basic conversations with them.

+ I have no energy for a lot of things. Even trying to make money on the side is exhausting as it mostly requires me having to spend money to make money.

+ I go home after work and eat dinner with my husband, pet my cat and watch a little tv, then go on the internet, read and do some yoga until it’s time for bed.

+ Apparently, I’ve been looking to fill that void. Like out of nowhere I got into politics for a whole month because Andrew Yang really inspired me and got me engaged in that realm, but then he suspended his campaign. Thankfully he announced on The View today that he is starting up a non-profit where his ideas will actually be implemented, like Universal Basic Income.

+ I look at Roxy’s artwork – I have a few of her art actually but the one that I look at the most is this print of a ghost animal with a teardrop leaving its physical body buried close to a tree. I’m still somewhat floored that I was able to communicate with her around Samhain. I’ve not communicated with her like that ever since.

I haven’t written anything here for a bit and so I’m just airing out how I’ve been feeling this year.

By the way, this site might be going away soon. I can’t keep up with the payments. I’m trying to be frugal and cut out whatever I don’t need. We’ll see.