Old photo of a 13 Quartz crystal grid with Kyanite. I sprayed some metallic paint to give these crystals a shimmery, iridescent look. I took it to Photoshop and doodled on it.
Category: Personal
bookmark_borderIs It Halloween Yet?
I must’ve drawn this 5 years ago. I usually date my drawings but for this one, I didn’t.
Halloween last year was pretty non existent. I still look forward to it even though I don’t even dress up or actually do anything for Halloween.
I think it’s just mostly the vibe for me – the darkness, the fog, spooky atmosphere, horror movies, Samhain, etc. Just like how I like the design of the main Sanrio characters enough to get it tattooed on me but not be an actual collector of those items (unless it’s Badtz Maru). Ok, I’m rambling.
I live in my head, I live in the world of ideas. It must be the combo of my Fire and Air signs (Sag and Aquarius).
I’m missing my cat. I’m missing Roxy. This drawing was pulled from a 2016 folder of photos and both Tabby & Roxy were in there. She had an art show so we made a spontaneous trip to Las Vegas and texted her when we were already there. She was so stoked.
I’m also reminded that she passed 11 days before Halloween. First year anniversary on top of the pandemic was hard. This year is already flying by quickly. The years are just flying by as I get older, period.
And yes, I made a bigass file size, looping gif of my cat Tabby so I can look upon her sweet face until this blog is gone.
bookmark_borderHappy Full Moon – 6/14/2022
Some apps along with my personal calendars say the moon is in Sagittarius, others in Capricorn. Shrug if I know BUT I always tend to feel more energized & motivated when the moon is in Sagittarius since it’s my Sun; determined and ‘into my work’ when the moon is in Capricorn (my Mercury).
I don’t have anything to say, as you can see I’ve gone ghost on nearly all my IG accounts or simply deactivated them. It takes so much energy and effort to be on there; I don’t know when I’ll feel motivated to pick up my side projects again.
Introverts gonna introvert I guess…
I just wanted to post this meme as it was buried in my Instagram saves. Credit: @thatcatbobbie
I hope you’re doing well. I’m just here lurking and being on the internets and pondering the next stage of adulthood: do I want a house, or do I want to retire with lots of money? I constantly go between wanting everything and wanting nothing. It’s hard to decide when you’re a Libra moon!
bookmark_borderDrawing: Sherm 2014
Does the depression, sadness and self-pity go away because the season feels lighter and brighter? Maybe we just put it on the backburner until we feel the overwhelming pull of Pluto to take us back under to brood over our sins and aggressions. The neverending balancing act between love / self-forgiveness vs self-loathing, guilt and shame. Such a beautiful mess we humans are.
Everything is a cycle. Cycle of life – death and rebirth.
I really like this drawing of a geometric flower with my bunny in shades. I miss the way I used to draw. I feel like adulthood has robbed me of so much and I feel somewhat resentful. Like, what happened to the old me who used to just draw and create all day for no reason, no purpose whatsoever?
I know a lot of these thoughts are just passing through. I know I have much to be thankful for. It just feels like insanity at times when you realize that you have 12 signs, 12 houses, 10 planets and 4 elements existing within us all – every single one of them wanting to express themselves at any given time in an infinite number of angles.
Enjoy the aging process.
bookmark_borderThey’re Ghosts
I know I keep saying this but STS will fade out, eventually. It’s just a matter of WHEN.
I am not in the sharing mindset right now. I just want to be a ghost and wander around unnoticed.
There’s a lot of Saturn / Uranus influence in my long-term horoscope. Like part of me wants to preserve what I already have (Saturn), the other part of me wants to break away from it all and start over again (Uranus). I want to save for retirement/old age (Saturn) but at the same time I really want to take a year off from working (Uranus). These two ideas have been pushing back and forth in my psyche a whole lot lately; it’s maddening I tell you when transiting Saturn is in a strong square with my natal Uranus!
I do have a semi-random thought that I DO want to share:
There’s a part of me that wishes to save all the hoes. Yes, you read that right. I really wish I could provide a safe, ethical working space for sex workers – strippers, dancers, entertainers, etc. No matter how much we talk about them now, they still get treated like crap unfortunately. Of course I know nothing about the business of running a strip club whatsoever but from what I’ve observed online, the people who run these joints are for the most part sleazy and not ethical. It sucks to read this because there’s tons of sex workers who love what they do – they want to be safe and get paid fairly just like the rest of us.
bookmark_borderIn Memory of My Mom
18 years ago today (12/20/2006), my mom left her physical body and returned to Spirit so I’m bumping this post up. I don’t feel anything anymore but I appreciate it when she visits me through a memory or something that reminds me of her.❤️
Looking back, my suffering seems so insignificant now.
10 years ago today (12/20/2006), my mom left her physical body and returned to Spirit.
10 years later, I’m still here. I made it through the pain & suffering of not having my mom around anymore.
2006 and 4-5 years after that really felt like the hardest time of my life, but I can look back and say that it transformed me into who I am now, and who I am becoming. I mentioned this in another blog post and I will repeat it again: death is certainly the most painful of all teachers, yet at the same time it can also be life changing and transformative.
bookmark_borderComplex Thoughts, Feelings, etc…
It’s strange, isn’t it? The things we’ve spent time building up crumbles eventually as soon as people start to make fun of it.
Perhaps I’m too overly concerned…sensitive…about what people think but at the same time, you also have to put your feelers out there to see what people actually think.
It can be a downer on your energy for sure and it makes you want to hide (at least for me).
For example – my crystal shop. A few months ago on Reddit, I put up a photo of crystals for sale – some were natural while some were aura treated. It was then reposted in a subreddit forum called Mineral Gore. The purpose of the subreddit is to post unnatural, manmade or enhanced mineral specimens so people can comment at how ugly and atrocious they are.
One man’s treasure is another man’s trash. Again, to each their own.
But still, it personally affected me and I never wanted to post again.
The point of this post is that people ARE out there…UNCONSCIOUSLY making you feel bad for the things that you personally love. And when somebody shares their opinion that you don’t necessarily agree with regarding that thing you love, you’re most likely going to feel like shit and you’re going to want to hide.
Just understand that most people aren’t doing it on purpose or personally attacking you, they’re just sharing their opinion and preference.
But it still comes off harsh.
Reddit is a strange place…well, all social media in general. It feels good to have your posts or comments “liked” or “upvoted”, it feels awful to have them “downvoted” or when people leave shitty comments.
It’s hard to not take things personally, but I’ll keep on working on it.
(Yes, that’s me in the background with my husband taking a photo of this claw machine filled with kawaii stuffed animals).
bookmark_borderSocial Media Observations & Ramblings
Mostly based on my own behavior, I noticed that:
– People just aren’t paying attention as much. For me personally, my attention span dips in and out. The millions of people promoting or sharing something can be taxing and I have other things on my mind these days. Maybe it’s because I’m getting old? Idk. I was also one of those people promoting or sharing something for a hot minute…I got sick of myself.
– One of the things I learned about marketing your business is that if you want people to pay attention, then you have to post A LOT. This is how people will remember you, through repetition. It’s annoying as fuck tbh but it works. Posting a lot in my opinion though, eventually leads to burnout especially if it’s not producing some kind of return (a lead or a sale of your product). I definitely felt this with my crystal shop and that’s why I haven’t posted in some time now. Although I had a couple of loyal folks who always bought crystals from me (if you’re reading this – thank you, I love & appreciate you!), the majority of my crystal sales never came from posting on Instagram anyways.
– Posting a lot won’t necessarily bring the results you want. If anything, the majority of people just want to be entertained by what you post. They don’t always want to buy, which is why I think the shop section of IG is pointless. I’m definitely one of those people who also rejects a lot of ads (most of them are irrelevant anyway)…which is why it’s hard for me to do ads for my own business. Too critical for my own good.
– I haven’t been very successful with my own entrepreneurial endeavors; thanks to the neverending pandemic, I kinda gave up on it. I tried it, but wasn’t built for it. Did the universe spare me from struggling and putting myself in a situation I didn’t really want to be in? Probably. That or being programmed to be an employee for life has taken its toll.
– As usual, I’m bored with everything that I’m doing and I don’t know what’s next for me. A friend did a channeled card reading for me recently and also sensed my eternal state of boredom. Sigh. Anyways, here’s an excerpt from Mystic Medusa‘s Astral DNA Report aka her take on my natal chart that at least gives me some clues as to why I can’t just settle as a “personal brand”:
Neptune House X
Their public image can be mysterious: an alias, nom de plume or a brand conceals the true persona. Tenth House Neptune people are adrift in an ocean of treacherous career currents until they find or create their true vocation. Their c.v. is peppered with surreal episodes, a twilight zone of enigmatic gigs and of course, quite a few off-c.v. escapades. Whatever their official occupation, their title is really “magician” or “rainmaker.”
Enjoy this gif I made. Happy Scorpio season!
bookmark_borderI Like Creating Cute Things II
I didn’t realize how much digital stuff I’ve created over the years until I had to organize it this week.
This one’s super cute. I like creating cute things, remember? I made everything except for the baby chick. Unfortunately I don’t have all the time in the world to create everything from scratch so often times I gotta cheat.
Here’s one I did for work using the same concepts from
Photoshop Tutorial: How to Make DAT ASS Shake!?
Just literally two frames repeating over and over again.
I struggle with using the actual animation timeline in Photoshop so it seems easier to just animate things frame by frame. Also the file size needs to be small.
I’ve not been in a Halloween mood even though I’m glad it’s this time of the year and all. It’s been 2 years since Roxy left and I’m not feeling festive.
bookmark_borderMusic Video: Goodbye Horses by Q Lazzarus
I’m posting this video because I want to save it here. I also want to talk about Chiron for some reason. What do the two have in common? Horses – being that Chiron is a centaur in Greek mythology.
More importantly (at least for me) is that in my birth chart, Chiron is in my third house in Taurus.
If the third house represents communication, it means that I have trouble talking, or speaking or saying things outloud. This is true, as I am an introvert to the core. I’m not very talkative.
Chiron represents the Wounded Healer in astrology, meaning everyone has a Chiron in their chart; everyone has a deep wound that they carry with them in this life that they have to work on healing.
I just discovered this recently which makes a whole lot of sense now, a breakthrough actually:
Copied and pasted from Tea & Rosemary’s blog regarding Chiron in Taurus:
The person with Chiron in Taurus will be afraid of losing something, whether it be safety, money, possessions, abundance, or love. The typical Chiron in Taurus will go to any lengths to avoid losing their home, their routine, the people close to them, their favorite possessions, their money, etc. Even if everything seems very permanent in their life, they will always be scared of some unexpected loss.
This resonates with me So.Damn.Much. Without going into too much detail, even though I have worked for other people most of my life I have always dreamt of being financially independent, like free from a job. I wanted to freelance; didn’t last very long. I wanted to tattoo; that didn’t happen. I wanted to have a small business; I’m barely even making it.
I can’t seem to do the things no matter how much effort I put into it. Not to say this is always true, but I try and fail A LOT it seems.
Or I just lose interest.
So yeah, that is my wound. I am afraid to not have resources and so I stay working. I’ve learned to work with this wound by accepting that I am meant to be working where I work. It is not creatively stimulating 24/7 but I am good at it; it has also given me the resources to be the provider and to live a life that is good. I’m also able to give to others freely. That is all I can ask for.
On the upside, I have found that learning astrology has been really good for me. This time though, I’m not trying to be an astrologer or be anything to anyone anymore…like that time I was trying to be a healer. Looking back I feel silly about it now tbh but for one reason or another, IT HAD to be expressed. That was the quality of that time period, where everyone and their mom wanted to be a healer including myself.
To be fair and not be so harsh on myself, my friend did pass away in Oct 2019.
Then 2020 came along and said ‘nope’! Being of service to others is not for me, not this year.
Then 2021 came and my cat had to be put to sleep.
I’m just learning for myself for once. And there is A LOT to learn and my Aquarius ascendant really likes it.
As a matter of fact, I’m learning so much by practice – interpreting people’s chart aspects on Reddit. So many people have questions and post their charts daily…
it’s almost as if getting suspended on Twitter led me to this, a blessing in disguise.
Anyways here is an old, rough drawing of a centaur, which I must’ve drawn when I had green hair. I’ve drawn centaurs a few times because me = Sagittarius.
