bookmark_borderDrawing: Transcendence

I drew this sometime last week but added some stuff last minute:

like the zodiac symbols. I am aware that I have Sagittarius & Scorpio in the wrong order, counterclockwise starting from Aries.

I was curious about when I was actually going to die so I googled ‘death astrology’ and entered my birth date – it gave me 2055. I filled out another one and it gave me 2042. I guess we’ll see, right? Live everyday as if it were your last.


I was reading something on Reddit recently. It was about Witchcraft or Psychosis – something along those lines. The person was asking when is their practice considered witchcraft and when is it considered a mental illness?

I can’t speak about the mental illness part but here’s what I will say about my experience with witchcraft / meditation or spiritual practice:

+ You must always set an intention.

+ Always call upon your highest and best guidance when tapping in – your higher self, your guides, your angels, loved ones, etc.

+ Imagination is a key component to seeing with your third eye. How do you know if you’re connecting with something else?

+ Pay attention to how you actually feel when communicating with this entity. Do you feel scared or anxious? Or calm and peaceful? Are you projecting this being from your unconscious self?

+ Grounding and anchoring yourself to this earth would probably help before traveling; meditating often to clear out any debris or baggage in your mental and emotional bodies before you begin.

+ My favorite protection mineral will always be Black Tourmaline which I like to pair up with Selenite. I also like gridding with Quartz crystals and sitting inside a circle of them.

+ Know yourself inside and out. Your strengths and weaknesses. That way when a negative thought or voice enters your mind, recognize where it’s coming from and banish it.

+ Just like with people, you have to set boundaries with these spirit beings. Which is why you must always set an intention.

+ It’s possible to self-sabotage your practice. If we are creating our reality then we are most certainly thinking of it ALL.THE.TIME. What have you been thinking about lately?

I don’t know why I’m writing about this. There were a couple of times when I was new when I started to question my sanity, but not in a way that I thought I was actually crazy although I had moments of feeling like I was. But I am aware that there are people who actually feel this way 24/7.

Some of us are more ‘open’ to these kinds of energies so you’ll have to figure out what works for you to maintain a healthy spiritual practice. It also could be that your third eye might be overactive.

Something I personally like to do is check the astro weather. I learned recently that when Neptune is making a transit in your natal horoscope – usually with the Moon – the archetypal energies are amplified – dreams, delusion, fantasy. You might even be more open to psychic impressions.

Conclusion: if you find that you can’t control what’s happening to you then it’s best to find a therapist best suited for your needs.

bookmark_borderGetting to Know Saturn

The older I get the more I get to know Saturn, the ultimate Time Lord. Also known as Kronos.

In Astrology The Divine Science by Marcia Moore and Mark Douglas, there are the Ages of Man. Saturn being the ‘stage of establishment’ (excerpt edited to be nonbinary):

The Saturnian period lasts from a person’s forty-second to their forty-ninth year and marks the end of their natural growth. By the time a person has completed their first half-century, they have thoroughly determined the type of human being they are going to be…

By now they should have achieved a measure of self-discipline and be of sound and mature judgement. However, if the previous stages have not been fulfilled, they will find themselves verging on depression and decline.

Being a Sagittarius Sun, I’m naturally optimistic. Please don’t mistake my personality for “positive vibes” though – I’ll roll my eyes at you.

But lately, I’ve just been…

– sad
– depressed
– bored
– isolated
– feeling stuck
– feeling way too serious
– more concerned about my health and how to preserve it

Yeah, seriously. I was thinking again to myself ‘fuck, am I having a midlife crisis right now’ because it’s about that time. Mid 40’s. And it could be because I’m having feelings of boredom and stuckness.

VIII of Swords and IX of Swords type of vibe. I pulled those exact cards this week after not pulling cards for a while.

Saturn will discipline you and keep you restricted.

Saturn in Capricorn did this to me last year. It was trying to be my father and tell me I wasn’t shit. That everything I was doing was a waste of time. Like, where do these ancient, paternal/maternal ‘voices’ suddenly come from? Making you doubt yourself? Making you feel inadequate? Making you feel small and not-so-confident? That’s Saturn.

This year, of course Pisces energy amplifies it even more. All of this was going on in my head but it felt real. The output of emotions were real.

You’re not going crazy my dear, it’s all in your chart!

Having Neptune in the mix just makes everything more…nebulous. I feel dreamy but also lost and confused.

I hope this helps if you’re feeling heavy lately and not feeling fully like yourself. Look to the planets transiting your natal chart. It will give you some relief, but you’ll still feel crazy or attract it.

Many people don’t believe in astrology because it’s purely psychological; you can’t see it but you’ll definitely feel it.

The app I use is Time Passages.

p.s. for anyone who is wondering – I am okay, truly.❤️  I am pretty good at being able to see beyond myself and see a different perspective.

Edit: wanted to add some additional insights to this post. It’s true that while Saturn isn’t super fun, you can still benefit from Saturnian energy. For example, perhaps maybe you do need discipline – whether you’re trying to eat more healthy or change a habit (which in my case, yes) or you need to be restricted for a bit (which is also a yes for me because I’ve been spending money left & right).

Conclusion: you can still find opportunity or something good in a planet that’s not exactly known for being good-natured.

bookmark_borderOpinion: How to Reconcile the Differences in Natal Chart Methods

Warning: this is going to be a brainy, head spinning post. Mostly a ramble about what I’ve been learning in astrology. As some of you know, I’ve been on the astro tip lately like studying it for real. It’s all I’ve been talking and thinking about. I only talk about it here though because I still feel like a total n00b.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ll probably be a total n00b witch forever…there’s always something else to learn, you know?

Anyways, I’ve reached a point where things started to get really confusing and complex.

For example, when I look at my chart using the Placidus method – my sun is in the 10th house – the house of profession or your work.

But then I also looked at my birth chart through the Whole Signs method – my sun is in the 11th house – the house of friends, community.

I’m not going to say which method is more accurate because truthfully, there are more than just these two methods of interpreting a birth chart. I’ve observed so far that these two methods seem to be the most well known though.

And they’re very close; they’re just off by one house.

I guess you have to compare charts and see which one resonates with you more. Because at first, I was 100% sure that Placidus was more accurate. But then months later I revisited my Whole Signs chart again and now I’m not so sure.

Maybe they can just be blended together somehow? I don’t know…being a Libra moon, I can never decide and just pick something. I need balance, damn it!!

Oh yeah, I even looked at my Sidereal Astrology and that was completely different as well.

It’s all so overwhelming for my tiny human consciousness but I also feel more expansive knowing that I am beyond my human limitations. Thank you, Lord Jupiter!

Just remain curious and fluid about what you’re learning and hopefully after some time it won’t feel as overwhelming. This is how I felt about learning Tarot – it was TOO MUCH to learn at first. But 9 years into it I feel I’ve kind of reached a ceiling. I guess that’s why astrology is what I’m studying now.

Also, you know yourself better than anyone else, so it’s up to you to see what lands and what doesn’t. Professional astrologers – even tarot / oracle readers – spend a lot of time really knowing their stuff – interpreting and synthesizing what they see in your chart (or cards). Perhaps ‘synthesizing’ isn’t even the appropriate word but more like accepting that there will be contradictions in your chart or cards and that certain life situations will be in your favor and some will not. It’s a skill that takes years to study because there’s SO MUCH going on in a chart and there’s so much to learn.

bookmark_borderGif Art: Remember Me When I’m Dead

I’m pretty sure my gif art will last longer…existing forever in the digital space.

I made this in After Effects following this tutorial on YouTube, rendered a 30 second video and brought it into Photoshop, converted it into frames and saved it as a gif.

bookmark_borderWhy Do I Have SO MANY Instagrams…

I have been grappling with this question for some time now and I finally have an answer that I’m satisfied with:

I simply have a need to express different aspects of myself.

So there. That is the answer.

There is no point in fighting myself about it.

Or feeling bad that I can’t be consistent with any of them.

Anyway, here is a digital doodle of some pentacle flowers as I’ve got investments, money and visions of a future where we can all thrive on my mind. More than ever since we are now in the Age of Aquarius. The self and the collective are intertwined.

I also wanted to share this: if you’re feeling confused about your life and all your impulses – why you do the things you do, what motivates you, why you constantly contradict yourself, etcetera; I highly suggest looking at your astrological birth chart or getting a natal chart report. Astrology has answered so many questions for me, personally.

Also, if you’re in the giving mood please take a look at this awesome Instagram called Transanta.

bookmark_borderNew Drawing 10/23/20

I got tired of being on the computer so I willed myself to just draw something. It started with the needles / leaves on the bottom left then the eye, then the skull, then the inverted triangle lines.

I wanted to see a neon color blend so I did so with sharpie highlighters.

Then I added the crystal points.

Roxy’s passing a year later still looms over me, especially now that we’re approaching Samhain. Everything feels so heavy and I’m not in the Halloween spirit at all.

In my birth chart report, the moon is in the 8th house and it says:

The Moon is placed in the 8th House of your birth chart suggesting that you are a sensitive person. Your emotional antennae are switched on to high . This may have something to do with an event connected to your mother or childhood.

As a result you may develop a need to understand the cycles of life and the metaphysical nature of the world. Why do people behave in the way that they do? What affect do the natural cycles have on human behaviour? What happens after death?

You’ve the ability to develop your interest in the occult world and to use your discoveries for practical results in your own and other people’s lives.

bookmark_borderI Am Good at Overcoming Obstacles

I’ve not talked about my affiliate marketing journey on here, as I have yet to make money from it. But I feel like I need to now, just to document all the shit I’ve had to do just to get it to this point.

5 years ago, I bought an adult domain. It had all the right keywords so I bought it. It turned out that that domain had some risky history that came along with it – Google decided that the domain was pure spam so it penalized me, giving me a manual spam label which I had no idea how to fix so I had to work on that just to have it revoked.

It worked and I was so elated. First obstacle down.

At the same time I didn’t really know what I was doing with what I had set up, so I halted everything. I kind of regret it now that everything is saturated but again, I was clueless about the affiliate marketing game even though I had purchased the playbook that would help me do it step by step and secondly: even though I spent money to test it, I was still scared about spending big chunks of money.

I’m still clueless tbh, but not as clueless as I was 5 years ago.

5 years later, I started it up again and now I’m dealing with a site with malware (obstacle 2). I had taken care of it mostly by making sure the site was clean and secure, but still had one more thing to pass.

My traffic source said my site still had malware, so I had to do one more thing (obstacle 3). And thankfully, it worked within the timeframe I was given.

I know none of this isn’t very detailed (I’m sure those in IM – internet marketing – will get it) but the point is:

if we want to achieve our goals – whatever they may be, we’re gonna be faced with other challenges along the way BEFORE we actually reach our goal.

Expect it and keep pushing anyways.

And when we reach our goal, we STILL have to maintain it somehow.

The process and the effort of trying to make it all work together will be tiring, as there are different parts that have to connect for all of it to work. Pace yourself and take a break from it whenever you need to.

You don’t have to rush to make it happen but you have to keep going because you’ve already gone too far and spent money to set it all up.

So that’s where I’m currently at. I’m just typing it out for my sanity.

The title of the post is appropriate because it’s what I wrote down after I completed my third obstacle, for now. Also, I didn’t know what photo to attach so I copied and pasted some Wingdings.

I also purchased my birth chart report – it indicated somewhere in the report that I was courageous and liked to take a few risks in life. Could this be one of them?

bookmark_borderOnly Fans Update – 9/17/20

My Only Fans isn’t poppin and here’s why:

  • I’m not fucking popular.
  • I’m not showing any nudes.
  • I’m not promoting enough.

Become or do the opposite of the 3 I just mentioned above and I’m 100% sure your Only Fans will be POPPIN. (Don’t know why I picked “poppin” – it seemed the most appropriate word).

My reason for this is that I simply would rather be low key about it. If I start promoting heavy like everyone else then I will for sure attract creeps and rudeass subscribers who will demand shit from me and I really don’t want that.

Most people are lured by money but can’t see that there’s a price to pay for it. I would rather have my peace & privacy (whatever that actually means). I don’t think I can handle the fame, rude comments and lack of privacy. I can see that some of these girls are already suffering from it.

So I’m taking it slow and not forcing myself to do anything I don’t feel comfortable doing.

If you do go on Only Fans, or any of these platforms (there are more now that are springing up btw with better payouts) – be sure that you’re not doing it for the money. Otherwise you’ll be disappointed.

Do it because you like making content and that it’s a creative outlet for you.

Based on my observations so far, the ones who are making bank from Only Fans have a huge following on Twitter, Instagram or YouTube. And they’re young and attractive. And they’re showing nudes.

I’ve only found someone on Only Fans close to my age; she’s a few years older than me and is successful and that would be Sinnamon Love and Tera Patrick. The only difference is that they’re retired porn stars with huge followings and I’m just a nobody.

To be continued…

Here’s a trippy animated gif that I made – I drew the triangles in Photoshop with my Wacom tablet, animated them and added some light in the middle. I wish I could remember how I actually did it though.

bookmark_borderWhy is Instagram…

so fucking addicting? I hate it and want to wean myself off of it. It’s not like I have a lot of friends to keep up with nor do I get a bunch of likes on my posts. It’s the scrolling part – addicted to seeing photos and addicted to information, I guess? I don’t know. As a creative person, I’m definitely stimulated by images.

I know I can do better things with my time…and yet I don’t.

I only draw or get creative when I know I have a deadline.

Otherwise, I’d much rather be doing absolutely nothing, or scrolling. Ugh.

I’m also aware that it’s Mercury Rx and I really should just chill the fuck out and be easy on myself. Why do I beat myself up for not being creative enough?

Roxy’s birthday is August 3, it is still unreal to me that she is gone. The few months since her passing was the strongest connection I had to her. I miss her so much, social media & the internet isn’t quite the same without her.

Smile now, cry later.

Fuck the world.

bookmark_borderSanctum Regnum 2020

I really have tried, but I don’t have the energy that other people have to post consistently on social media.

As a mutable fire sign, I notice that I can definitely get it started but to continue it for the long run? Nope.

I am accepting it and not trashing my own abilities to stay relevant. I just don’t care that much either way.

What’s even crazier is that I looked into my Sidereal astrological sign recently and it turns out that…

I’m actually a Scorpio, and I can kinda see that; Scorpios are secretive and mysterious.

Here’s a photo of some candles I purchased recently from Mētztli at Revolutionary Mystic. I especially love the art on each label. Of course as soon as I lit the Solve et Coagula candle, I was immediately guided to revisit Transcendental Magic by Eliphas Levi; a book that normally puts me to sleep due to its arcane language…

oddly enough I couldn’t put the book down, and I understood a lot of it this time around.

Is there a devil? What is the devil? As to the first point, science is silent, philosophy denies it at hazard, religion only answers in the affirmative. As to the second point, religion states that the devil is the fallen angel; occult philosophy accepts and explains this definition.