I don’t really give myself enough credit sometimes. Well I can finally look back on my work 10 years later and say that it was actually pretty good, like this SHERM drawing.
I really don’t miss painting graffiti all that much but I do miss how I can get very detailed with my letters.
so fucking addicting? I hate it and want to wean myself off of it. It’s not like I have a lot of friends to keep up with nor do I get a bunch of likes on my posts. It’s the scrolling part – addicted to seeing photos and addicted to information, I guess? I don’t know. As a creative person, I’m definitely stimulated by images.
I know I can do better things with my time…and yet I don’t.
I only draw or get creative when I know I have a deadline.
Otherwise, I’d much rather be doing absolutely nothing, or scrolling. Ugh.
I’m also aware that it’s Mercury Rx and I really should just chill the fuck out and be easy on myself. Why do I beat myself up for not being creative enough?
Roxy’s birthday is August 3, it is still unreal to me that she is gone. The few months since her passing was the strongest connection I had to her. I miss her so much, social media & the internet isn’t quite the same without her.
Smile now, cry later.
Fuck the world.
I really have tried, but I don’t have the energy that other people have to post consistently on social media.
As a mutable fire sign, I notice that I can definitely get it started but to continue it for the long run? Nope.
I am accepting it and not trashing my own abilities to stay relevant. I just don’t care that much either way.
What’s even crazier is that I looked into my Sidereal astrological sign recently and it turns out that…
I’m actually a Scorpio, and I can kinda see that; Scorpios are secretive and mysterious.
Here’s a photo of some candles I purchased recently from Mētztli at Revolutionary Mystic. I especially love the art on each label. Of course as soon as I lit the Solve et Coagula candle, I was immediately guided to revisit Transcendental Magic by Eliphas Levi; a book that normally puts me to sleep due to its arcane language…
oddly enough I couldn’t put the book down, and I understood a lot of it this time around.
Is there a devil? What is the devil? As to the first point, science is silent, philosophy denies it at hazard, religion only answers in the affirmative. As to the second point, religion states that the devil is the fallen angel; occult philosophy accepts and explains this definition.
Probably my favorite song from Mos Def that I can put on repeat. Always timeless and soothes the soul.❤️
I hope everyone who is actively protesting – whether it’s physical or digital – that you are finding time to rest and disconnect from information overload just as much. The resistance needs you for the long haul.
My favorite Instagram is The Nap Ministry where she really emphasizes “Rest as Resistance”.
I am thankful to be alive, to be a witness to such great transformation. Know that you are also here now on Earth to be a part of it.
I am writing this down as quick as I can because it feels like I’ve received a download from above that’s worth sharing.
Martyr, sacrifice, reincarnation, karma, ancestors, trauma, healing, justice, integration, shadow work are the words I keep receiving in my mind.
Are things worse off than they were before?
Even though it seems fucking horrible (and it always seems fucking horrible), I’m going to say NO.
Black, indigenous, people of color are rising up continuously – becoming more empowered each time one of their own dies from injustices such as racism or police brutality. Though it is exhausting as fuck to have to go through this over and over again, it empowers them and many others to fight back, using the technology that we now have.
Taking pictures and documenting the whole experience with video, boosting it on social media.
The internet is a gift.
I don’t know how to articulate this exactly, but those who have died from police brutality, racism, abuse, etc…
had a mission to do exactly that.
It may seem extreme and violent, even unfair – because it is – but again: violence, death and rebirth is our heritage.
The big bang was a violent, cosmic event. So was the birth and destruction of stars and planets. Even human and mammal birth is violent – it’s literally stretching the opening to its limits so one could be born. Then you’re covered in blood and plasma.
That also doesn’t mean we just sit back and allow fate to happen – as we have free will – to fight back and follow what our inner guide/daemon/spirit/higher consciousness calls us to do.
So that the masses can continue to wake up, including their own people; so that we can continue to heal, becoming more aware and conscious with each iteration, each death.
It was not all for nothing.
Nobody dies for nothing.
Understand that we are all witnesses to this, witnesses to the United States of America facing its own shadow…over and over again.
On a microcosm level – I understand to a point now, why I’m here in California in the US. It is my home, it’s where I belong.
Even though I was born in the Philippines, I have never felt at home there. I feel at home here.
Why? Because I am American, just as much as I am Filipino. My mom brought me here in 1984. I wouldn’t have met the friends I love so much if I wasn’t here. I wouldn’t have met the person I married if I wasn’t here.
I would be living a life in the Philippines probably, but not as the same exact person that I am now. Probably living a whole different existence, probably unaware and just living a regular life.
There’s nothing wrong with any of that. But that is not what my soul wanted for me, obviously.
Believe it or not, I am grateful to be here right now – amidst the violence and chaos. I feel connected to all people, perhaps the internet is making that possible. I am witnessing the light and dark forces at work.
I love and hate the United States of America.
I feel the sadness, anger, hate, frustration, grief while simultaneously feeling peace, love, gratitude and an expanded awareness of it all.
We are one existing separately, living that paradoxical life for all eternity.
I now know what it is…for now at least. I’ve been sitting on this for about 2 months now, just to make sure it was still true.
I have this job, this resource so that not only can I support me and my family, I can also give back to my spiritual community – whether it’s supporting them through donations, signing up for their classes, or just supporting their small business in general.
For so long it seems I was never satisfied with where I was. I wanted so bad to quit my job and create my own shit – I’m actually still doing that but I’ve learned that it’s a much longer process. It takes time and money and so I must be patient and have perseverance while I continue to build it.
What I realized now after spending all this time ‘doing the work’ is that – I am where I’m supposed to be.
Once I stopped struggling – complaining & fighting myself internally – and accepted where I am, everything fell into place.
I feel at peace with the work I do now, you can even say that I’ve mastered it. I know when I get my paycheck I can pay all my bills and still have enough to support others as well.
I’m currently reading “Existential Kink” by Carolyn Elliott. Though I am already familiar with a lot of the stuff she talks about in her book, I feel like there are some things I’ve missed or wasn’t fully aware of (like the unconscious) and could work on.
A magician must always seek to improve and perfect their craft.
Animated GIF by me. It took a lot of frames to move the rainbow.
I’ve been wondering why I have no energy for anything lately. And it just occurred to me that I am still heartbroken over the death of my best friend Roxy and it’s showing up energetically:
+ I don’t want to interact with people as much or have basic conversations with them.
+ I have no energy for a lot of things. Even trying to make money on the side is exhausting as it mostly requires me having to spend money to make money.
+ I go home after work and eat dinner with my husband, pet my cat and watch a little tv, then go on the internet, read and do some yoga until it’s time for bed.
+ Apparently, I’ve been looking to fill that void. Like out of nowhere I got into politics for a whole month because Andrew Yang really inspired me and got me engaged in that realm, but then he suspended his campaign. Thankfully he announced on The View today that he is starting up a non-profit where his ideas will actually be implemented, like Universal Basic Income.
+ I look at Roxy’s artwork – I have a few of her art actually but the one that I look at the most is this print of a ghost animal with a teardrop leaving its physical body buried close to a tree. I’m still somewhat floored that I was able to communicate with her around Samhain. I’ve not communicated with her like that ever since.
I haven’t written anything here for a bit and so I’m just airing out how I’ve been feeling this year.
By the way, this site might be going away soon. I can’t keep up with the payments. I’m trying to be frugal and cut out whatever I don’t need. We’ll see.
Just a video of my cat, Tabby. That’s all.????
She’s the first cat I’ve ever had. Adopted her in late 2014. I was going for a black cat but this one literally conned us into taking her instead – jumped onto the table immediately to greet us even though the house was full of cats; just full on put her charm on James while I was trying to get the black cat to come to me but he wouldn’t, so Tabby picked us instead. She even jumped into the carrier when it was time to go like she really just wanted to get tf out of there. Needless to say 6 years later she is still with us. She’s going to be 12 years old on May 2020.
I deleted her Instagram account because I hardly ever used it. I’ve also deleted my @savethesavages IG. But then again, Instagram only lets you ‘disable’ it.
So far this year, I’ve been detaching myself from people and social media. It’s been 4 months since Roxy passed and I’m still not feeling 100% well – meaning I’m just existing in a mostly neutral state. Some days I’m at 25% and other days I’m at 75%. I also don’t have the same drive and motivation I had for Metaphysical Vibes but I’m not going to delete it either. I’ve been working more on Crystal Healer LA – I feel that people need energy work more than they need crystals.
If you’re looking for me on Instagram, I’m over @metaphysical_vibes
I shared this on @crystalhealerla IG: me practicing how to write magical & heart symbols in the air using the Write On effect in Adobe Premiere.
The Pentacle is the name of the 5 pointed star enclosed within a circle, while the Pentagram is the name of the 5 pointed star itself.
Witches and pagans use this symbol for blessings, protection and sending light. It is not a symbol of evil.
